So I’m 35 weeks pregnant. And I’m struggling. I’m on house rest. Basically, I’m not confined to the bed (thankfully), but I’m not supposed to go anywhere unless it’s necessary.

So here I am on Easter Sunday morning. I was up all night. One year old coughing. 5 year old was up and down. Baby kicking and back screaming unable to find a decent positions.

This week has been rough. I’ve had to be at the hospital and doctor with both kids. My little one had surgery this week. He didn’t react well to the anesthesia and puked massive amounts on the drive home. I’m struggling to keep up with the basics of the house and kids and life. My poor husband who works sometimes 60 hours a week and is on call constantly was in his recliner last night looking through cookbooks. When I asked what in the world he was doing, he said he was looking for crockpot recipes he could do so we would have hot meals again without ordering pizza. And that he could do after the baby came. Y’all, that’s like the sweetest thing ever. But I also feel like a failure. Meals, laundry, kids, that’s my job. I’m a SAHM by choice. I left my career for now to be at home with our children. And he works so hard so we live comfortably on his income. And he’s worried about cooking and tired of takeout. Can’t say I blame him. I’m sick of it too.

And I cried sending my family all dressed up for Easter to church without me. I bought a beautiful maternity shirt and paid $40 for it so I would look decent for church. At this point, I spend most days in baggy clothes and sweats. I wanted to look nice. Until it was too great a risk to go anywhere. I ordered the shirt and regret spending the money on it. As I don’t get to wear it. I never buy clothes for myself.

This morning, my youngest was up early. He’s soaked his bed and himself. He was so covered he needed a bath. So I did baths which on my knees with a very very small toddler was harder than I wanted. And we had breakfast. The kids helped me kinda tidy the living room before they left. Which has basically become a glorified play room.

Since they’ve been at church, I’ve put together their Easter baskets, swept up the floor, moved the laundry so my little one’s Elmo blanket will be clean for nap, put together a casserole for a hot lunch because I seriously am not doing takeout or sandwiches again. And I’ve done all the dishes from breakfast and cooking lunch.

I can hardly stand. Which honestly, has made me so angry. Like I did some basic wife and mommy things. I used to do everything plus hold down a job when I was pregnant before. And truthfully there are still entire rooms that are a wreck. I’d have had that all cleaned by the time my family got home before this pregnancy.

But considering how hard it is lately to just waddle around and do the basics, I’m a little proud. My family gets to come home to a hot fresh meal. They’ll be leftovers for tomorrow. It’s not pizza or fast food or instant frozen meals.

I know once this baby comes I’ll get my groove back. But right now, it’s been super hard. At least we can all eat and enjoy the rest of Easter Sunday together.