Husband refuses to let me buy baby stuff

This is mostly just a rant because I'm frustrated, but I wanted to see what others think and have experienced. Right now I'm almost 29 weeks pregnant and we have only some baby clothes, nothing else. I have a complete placenta previa, I have had 3 bleeds with one overnight in the ER, on bed rest, and am very likely to have a preterm delivery. I have kept a registry since the begining and have recently suggested that we start ordering the essentials like the crib, diapers, baby detergent, etc. He gets angry when I mention it because he says we have no room for anything in our 1 bedroom apartment which he insisted was the only affordable option that would keep his daily commute to Manhattan manageable. But what are we going to do when she gets here?

We're not having a baby shower because I'm estranged from my family and his is already financially stressed. We also live in a new place and have very few friends close by. I feel like he's forcing me to be more unprepared than I already am as a FTM with no family support aside from him. I'm not making any money of my own since I'm on bed rest and I can't help to organize the closets and put things in storage for the same reason. So I'm just stuck having to do everything his way and I'm just tired of it. I understand that he's overwhelmed with all of his extra responsibilities since I'm unable to do anything, but I feel that he's being unreasonable. What can I even do though? I just feel trapped.

411 views • 4 upvotes • 11 comments

COMMENT (11)

As

Posted at
Well considering you're both adults having a child together, he shouldnt "allow" or "prevent" you from doing something. What exactly is his plan once baby gets there? I would just buy everything you need and not care what he says 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ni

Posted at
Has he really come to terms with the fact that in about two months there will be a baby in that house whether he is prepared or not? And, as two adults, like someone else said, you’re husband doesn’t get to refuse to allow you to do something. That’s not how marriage is supposed to work. It doesn’t sound like you’re partners in this yet, and that’s something you need to work out together.

La

Posted at
Are you open to buying gently used items? Maybe it’s the cost of trying to buy everything that’s overwhelming him. There’s a national consignment called “Just Between Friends” that’s really helpful. They’ll be in my area next weekend (central PA). I’ve also found a lot on Ebay and Letgo. If you’re open to that try bringing it up and see if he’s more willing with cost saving options.

al

alex • Apr 22, 2019
Yes I absolutely second this! To aid with the financial stress and not give something to stress about. Second hand stores and consignment sales are such a life saver. I've saved thousands with my first. And with my second on the way its simply the best. Also, just have a sit down and sort things out. Yes having a baby on the way in a 1 bedroom is tough but doable. Maybe a pack n play or mini crib are your options. Take charge and measure the dimensions :)

Ka

Posted at
I would just start buying things, you don't have to go crazy with baby items. Just keep it simple and basic, babies really don't need much and you can get everything pretty cheaply if you buy second hand or shop around. If my family of 4 can manage to all live comfortably in a 1 bedroom apartment, plus make room for another baby then you guys can make it work.

Aa

Posted at
If i were you I would do what I want. Who tells a pregnant woman that she can’t buy baby stuff for her baby? That’s what makes pregnancy exciting and can cheer you up since you already unfortunate and have to be put on bed rest. Your husband needs to realize that your his wife but you can make your own decisions. Best of luck💕

Aa

Aa • Apr 21, 2019
Are*

Me

Posted at
Sounds like he is super stressed! Or he’s an ass, but I’m trying for positivity here. Maybe talk about a budget and what is really essential. (For example, I already use a super mild detergent and I don’t think you need a special baby detergent unless yours has perfumes in it). If you are taking the baby in a car you certainly need a car seat. You could get a Smitten baby box instead of a crib, and it would give you more time to save.Obviously, he needs to realize that you can’t NOT buy some things. However, I agree he doesn’t really have a right to forbid you from buying stuff.

Jo

Posted at
You know him best and yes he could just be bring a dick but you sound like you have had a hard pregnancy. Could he actually be terrified that this may not end well for you all baby and not having baby things in the home is a form of protection? Where I’m from it’s seen as bad luck to have your pram and cot in your home before birth, it’s seen as temping fate. I have brought both things but they are at family members homes. Talk to him about how it makes you feel and hopefully he’ll open to his reasons why he is acting this way xx

Ca

Posted at
Do what you think is best girl. You dont want to feel unprepared, it will only stress you out which you dont need. Personally I have gotten most of the big stuff, just so I can make sure the nursery is set up. I managed to find a bunch if it second hand from Varagesale in excellent almost new condition for great prices. Maybe just double check with close family if you think it's an item they may have gotten you.

H

Posted at
I would try to compromise with him. Offer to order some items but not unpack or build them yet (like a crib) and keep it in the box for a couple weeks. That way you have some important items in your home but they don’t take up quite as much space immediately but in the case of preterm labor you have the items you need at home already.