*I just need to rant, y’all*

*Possible TW for ED (not erectile dysfunction, if that’s what you’re thinking)*

Let’s ignore the odd pose for a second to talk a little.

2015, my last year of high school. Can I just say that I thought I was huge, and all throughout high school I starved myself. Not to the point of looking emaciated, but enough to keep some weight off. I literally thought I was massive, but looking back now I looked alright.

Sure, a little chub but nothing worth worrying about.

I had such a warped perception of what beauty was. The only attraction I warranted in high school came from creepy full-grown adults (read “pedophiles”) on social medias and the black hearted fools who made me feel powerless and made me want to die each day.

All of the guys my age were chasing after the stick-thin cheerleaders it seemed, and I was just the chubby emo/alternative/whatever kid.

It surely didn’t help that a pediatric doctor, who based everything on the BMI chart (which is a bullshit chart), continuously kept telling me to lose more weight.

“Wow, you’ve lost several pounds since our last visit. What have you been doing?”, he’d ask.

I’d reply with, “Not eating as much, I guess.” Yeah, no kidding.

I starved myself for nearly two days at a time, would binge, and then repeat. And I WOULD NOT recommend that to anyone. I had migraines every day, my blood pressure would always drastically drop when I was already hypotensive, and I was always angry.

I wish I could go back in time and tell that young woman in the picture that she IS beautiful. She was never meant to have the body of a runway model because that’s not her genetics. She is a Viking warrior princess with an hour glass figure and thighs so big they could strangle any man, not a VS model. She didn’t need to hurt herself or starve herself to feel valid. She would find herself someone who would love her unconditionally, regardless of her weight; someone who’d support her through everything. She just had to wait for the sun to break through the storm clouds.

21 (almost 22) and I’ve finally started to love my body, regardless of my weight or size.