This might be a little longer and have triggers in it. If you read this all and give me advice THANK YOU 💞

I knew my husband in high school I graduated early in 2014 he was still in school well I moved on with my life and moved an hour away from our hometown, I started having anxiety and depression when I graduated, I was sexually assaulted by my father who I lived with since 8th grade this was a every night thing I was damaged but didn’t even realize when I graduated how bad I was going to get I was also sexually Assaulted by my uncle, well I worked and then me and my husband got together in 2015 everything was cool I would still go back down to our hometown and like pick him up from school and do whatever all the teenager shit well he was fine I then began to get to know his family who didn’t like me at all called me the “white whore T was with” brush it off don’t really care well he told me when he graduates May 2015 he’s sick of the way he gets treated by his family he wants to move in so I said ok but I was living with my mom at this time (I asked her) well anyways moved in I started getting worse with my mental illness and I still didn’t tell anyone yet what had happened to me every night of my life, well my husband whom was boyfriend at the time “T” he began to get a little different in 2016 I would wake up at night to him having sex with me and choking me and I was blinded by this but when this was happening my PTSD would get bad flashbacks racing thoughts panicking, well then T started to get abusive, hitting me, manipulating me I thought I could change him, I would try to leave and he would say he was going to kill his self once again manipulation, I felt guilt like I had to stay like I had to help him, he played tricks on my head that was already in a mess I told him what happen to me and explain the things he does pushes me back everytime it didn’t change he still did it he even wanted us to leave WITH MY FATHER IN 2016 We did because I still haven’t told anyone and I still thought my father loved me that’s why, fast forward we get our own place in our hometown 2016 well the Abuse gets worse I was admitted twice once he almost shattered my voice box, the other time he almost broke my nose, I’m also at this time in therapy for everything and I tell what happen to me with my father, 2017 I finally told my mom because my siblings was getting to the age it happened to me at I freaked out I reported my father to the police and started our case, the physical abuse is still happening I actually quit my job in 2017 because of my depression, my boyfriend paid everything “T” well 2017 we moved in with my mom I told him I had enough and kept threatening to leave him also in these years 2015, 2016,2017 he was cheating on me with everyone and everything you have to understand I’m mentally ill and I wasn’t capable of standing up for myself I was scared of men.... well Aug 2017 the abuse stopped the last time I got admitted Idk what happen but I thought something clicked when he seen what he did.... we had a good year the end of 2018 we got married I thought things was finally looking up I was better in therapy my confidence and T was better my father finally got arrested well this year 2019 They let my father out and only gave him 5 years probation not enough evidence well T has been awful not abusive we bought our first home December 2018 it’s in his name not mine because but I’m still his wife so my name is on the deed... well anyways he’s been manipulating me again yelling, bitching about everything, I can’t even have my family at our house without him bitching, I haven’t slept in our been for 2 days he’s rude he just lays around doesn’t do anything around the house, I’m mowing, I’m doing yard work, I’m trimming the trees, I’m fixing everything and taking care of what a wife is suppose to inside the home like laundry and supper and cleaning etc but I’m just sick and tired I shouldn’t of married him and I shouldn’t of came this far I’ve actually grown a lot and more confident in myself I actually love myself and my depression and anxiety is better I still don’t trust men and I still don’t have like a good job I’m a nanny for my mom and her boyfriend they pay me 200 a week. I hate myself for coming this far with T but it is what it is I know you’ll say you would of left along time ago but please understand with the mental illness and what a men have done to you, you lose yourself so any opinions, advice on what I should do? He’s not abusing me, he’s not cheating, he’s changed yes in that department but what about the manipulating and the bitching and the way he tries to control me. Am I being ridiculous or do you agree I should leave I feel like I should but deep down I do love him.