I want to leave. We were having extreme ups and downs before I got pregnant. We separated a few times within the last year and a half. Now I’m 18 weeks, I want to leave, but how can I? We have a little girl, 2yrs, and now another one on the way. Long story short, he’s a total douche. Mentally, and emotionally abusive. Like really bad, to the point I have severe anxiety and depression and it makes him see me even worse. And recently (only once and very mild) physically threatening (choked me and knocked me in the tub). I just want him to leave and never come back. Leave me the kids and never contact us again. But he won’t. He’s terrible and his family are terrible people. Ill be honest and say I was seeing someone while we separated last year. He was a high school friend and a close friend after high school until I met my current SO. We’ve always clicked and he’s always just been there. Once we went out we discovered there was more between us than a friendship and we pursued it. I ruined it by going back and leaving him twice. I called him after the bathtub/cooking incident and we’ve been talking ever since. He knows about the pregnancy and still totally wants us to be together. He hasn’t left my mind a day or even a minute since I left him to come back to SO. I left because my family made me feel so guilty, and I don’t want my daughter (now daughter’s) to grow up in a broken family. My family is all over the place. I have no support other than this high school guy and my two best friends. They’re supportive but we can’t see or talk a lot due to work schedules and having children, typical adult life. They love high school guy because he’s one of us, fits so well, perfect chemistry, and they also went to school with him. We all grew up together. Regardless of the other guy, I’m not happy with SO. I’m depressed, always annoyed, never good enough. He says/does things intentionally and then is “sorry” or was “just joking” darn well knowing what he is doing was hurtful and manipulative. He’s a wonderful person to everyone but me. I’m tired of being treated like a slave/punching bag/dirt/worthless. I deserve better. A good man. I’ve made bad decisions and I know talking to this other man isn’t okay. I know it’s wrong of me. I’m just lost and I can’t find a way to fix my life. It’s out of control, to a point I’ve considered packing whatever I can fit in the Jeep and taking off, hoping no one would ever find me and the kids. Although I know that’s impossible.