I’m so embarrassed 😭

2 years ago my fiancé and I got pregnant and at 10 weeks we went for our appointment no heartbeat growth stopped at 8 weeks. It caused a lot of stress between the both of us but after some time we decided to start trying again. Yesterday I had my appointment at 10 weeks to finally hear the heart beat and see the baby, and the growth stopped at 9 weeks and there was no heartbeat.

We hadn’t told many people just like our first pregnancy together only his parents mine and our siblings and few very close friends. But I feel so embarrassed and like such a failure that this is happening again and now we have to tell everyone again that I miscarried and I’m having such a hard time right now because I just don’t know why I can’t do what I’m supposed to be able to do. And my heart is hurting so bad.

I can’t help but feel jealous there are so many women and men in both of our families that don’t deserve to have children, aren’t fit , have their children in the system, and continue to pop out more babies and then we’re struggling . It took almost a year and half both time for us to finally get pregnant after trying every month. And I’m just so depressed. And not ready to go through what I went through last time.

I passed baby naturally the first time and I don’t if it would give me more closure doing it again or not ... or just getting surgery. Idk I guess I’m just venting. My fiancé works all day so I’m alone often and it’s just hard to try and cope with this again I feel like such a failure .