My ex and I have been best friends since we were 13 years old. At the age of 18, we started dating & dated throughout all 4 years of my college career. Throughout our relationship, we had several ups & downs & for 2 of those years, we lived together and that was draining. After being broken up for over a year now, I’ve narrowed down to my ex and I breaking up because he took me for granted, he didn’t care to put in the effort to be in such a serious relationship at such a young age, we didn’t have God in our relationship (We’re both Christians) and we weren’t who God has called us to be yet. After our breakup, that bought me closer to God and my relationship with God is stronger than ever, I’ve evaluated my relationship in its entirety and have realized just how crappy it was, totally realized my worth and all that i deserve in a relationship and a man. Have gotten standards and now I’m great. AND THEN one day, my ex slid back into my life. He came to me to confide in me with some demons from his past & he said that God led him to come to me of all people 😩 so I helped him get through that darkness and then that eventually led to us hanging out again, just like old times. In that time, I realized “He the same old dude” BUT I also realized that “Crap, I still love him 🤦🏾‍♀️” and I also watched him start to take an extreme effort into building a relationship with God and actually putting in the effort to finding the resources to strengthen his relationship with God. I’ve always wanted him to have his own relationship with God more than ANYTHING. So to see him start to evolve right in front of my eyes was beautiful. UNTIL, one day I realized that hanging out with my ex like I was was a really dangerous battlefield unless I was tryna fall back in love with the man. So I cut ties with him cause I realized that if I ever wanted to truly move on & get the man that God has for me, I need to cut this short now. He was devastated & heartbroken and just couldn’t understand why we just couldn’t continue to be friends but I tried to explain to him the best way I know how that what we were doing was no good. Not long after I did that, I started to notice that my heart was uneasy and that I felt real uneasy about that decision. Be mindful that my ex and I have a 4 year long history of breaking one another hearts but deciding to cut ties felt like it was a mistake. Now someone please tell my why “all of a sudden” I’m starting to see signs in my ex that maybe he’s worth it after all 😒 Sis, it’s gotten so bad that I legitimately feel like it is possible that my ex is the one who got away. I need someone to talk to me. Y’all, I can’t tell if God is tryna lean my heart in a certain direction or if my feelings are just acting up cause I hung out with my ex for 3 weeks and now he’s out my life again so this is all just fresh to me? My thing is, why would God take him out of my life just to put him back in? That sounds messy. God ain’t messy like that! My ex done did a lot of crazy stuff to me, but now I’m feeling like he’s the one who got away? That’s crazy to me! And when I tell y’all that this is truly how my heart is feeling, I’m not lying. It’s not so much of just “feelings” it’s more so my heart. But who’s guiding my heart? God or my feelings? & how can I tell? I’ve been praying like a mug about this yet here I am thinking my ex of all people is “the one” 🙄🤦🏾‍♀️ I’ve always said to my ex and myself that the ONLY way that we could EVER date again is if some miracle by God happened with him. Yet here he is, tryna work on building his own personal relationship with God finally 😭 I need wisdom please!