I'm....fuming. I have NO ONE to vent to so, lucky you!!

It took me a MONTH (and a horrible fight) to get my husband to sleep with me...tonight is the first time he's touched me since March. I havent asked him for sex, I haven't initiated, I've left him alone while we work some things out. But I cant take any more. I chose one person to commit myself to for the rest of my life, I have put my heart and soul into every aspect of our relationship, and I know he has given back in a lot of ways, but heaven knows it is NOT in the bedroom lately. He is now sound asleep, content with the oral he got (something he refuses to do for me in return...says it's not me, it's something he could never stand the taste of...) while I am sitting here FUMING. He has touched me ONCE in a MONTH, and despite the fact that our relationship is finally back on track for the first time in over a year, he still leaves me completely horny and frustrated. I'm so angry. And I cant even tell him because i know it was all he could do to let me do as much as I did and it really is progress from not being able to touch me for a long time. But WHY. After a month, why am I sitting here in actual physical pain from lack of sex while hes asleep? I could scream. But I value fixing my marriage too much to allow myself to pitch a(nother) fit. How hard is it to slip me a finger before you fall asleep?? Yeah you finished and you're sleepy and it's soft now...go find a cucumber or something!! Like, seriously, hold your breath and give back what you got, pull me close and get your hands dirty, ask to watch me do it myself....absolutely anything!!!

But honestly, that's not even the whole problem. The problem is, that yeah, sex is great, but what I really want is to be WANTED. Like, desire who I am so badly that you have to be a part of me...

I'm so tired. And lonely. And horny as hell.

Hes an amazing person. He has a million amazing qualities. But that just makes it worse....because hes amazing and I want to be with him and, yeah, were married, but we aren't ok. And my body aches to be with him.