What would you do if your baby cries every time they go to another family member that they aren’t that familiar with?

Question

My son is attached to me and my husband right now which I get is a normal part of development. The last 6 weeks I cannot leave the room though without him crying. He basically has to be able to see one of us at all times or he cries. He will only let my mom hold him outside of my husband and I. My dad and in laws come around every few months so he hardly knows them. When they pick him up he sobs and reaches for one of us. If he’s sobbing I always take him back. If he’s just grumbling or complaining I try to let them hold him for awhile. My mom and husband think that I shouldn’t let someone hold him if he’s sobbing and that I’m doing the right thing. My dad though called me and said he thinks I’m prolonging this clingy phase by taking him from him every time he is crying.  What do you think and what do you do with your babies at this age?

Answer

We’re going through the same thing. I can’t leave the room or walk a few feet away without her bursting into tears and crawling to me. We see her grandparents every Sunday and she still cries when they try to hold her. I let them try and if she cries I just take her back. I have to deal with her if she’s upset not them. And she isn’t a doll to pass around, she’s a human with feelings. And if she doesn’t want to be held by anyone other than me or my husband I’m not going to force her. I wish I had your support, it drives my husband nuts that I always take her back from his parents. It’s just a phase they grow out of but for now I’ll enjoy the extra snuggles because one day she won’t want me at all!

Answer

I wouldn't want to be held against my will by a stranger either. Why would I make my baby who is too young to understand that that person is safe? If she's screaming, I'm taking her back.

Answer

Absolutely take baby back. I’m not in the business of upsetting and/or making my baby uncomfortable just to spare someone else’s feelings ESPECIALLY not an adult. There are other ways to interact and get baby to become comfortable with them when they visit. Suggest activities to them they can do with baby while he warms up to them, as trying to force him will only make things worse. At the end of the day you and your husband are the parents and whatever you decide is the final answer. I don’t make my daughter go to anyone she’s not comfortable with regardless of who it is. I know it’s just a phase and they’ll likely grow out of it but until then, oh well 🤷🏾‍♀️

Answer

We are in the same boat. Our LO doesn't want ANYONE except myself or my husband. If a different person even comes close to her she loses it. I just tell everyone, "Sorry, she's in the stranger danger phase." 💁 
It's really hard when someone like a grandparent loves her and wants to hold her so badly and she is just not having it. But there's no way I'm gonna just let her be terrified, you know? Especially when she can see and hear me and knows I'm there. I do try to comfort her and make her laugh when other ppl attempt to hold her, just to see if it helps. But if she's crying before she's even in their arms then I don't push it. 
They're just babies, you know? You can't reason or rationalize with them. If they feel uncomfortable or scared we just have to respect that. I think you're doing the right thing.

Answer

Thank you for posting this.  Sometimes I feel like people think my baby is “needy” and “coddled” because I am not comfortable in any way with her sobbing in someone else’s arms.  I get super anxious when people don’t hand her back and am working on finding my mama bear voice!   Trust those mommy instincts but know you’re not alone in this stage (and I’m glad to know I’m not either!).  All of my recent reading says that a strong attachment to parents is one of the biggest predictors if later success so this phase is very important.

Answer

At this age this is very typical normal development. They need to understand that. Maybe forward them some articles about babies and when they recognize stranger danger.

Answer

Depends on the family and their comfort level. If they really want to hold her and they know to just walk away so she can’t see me and to distract her... they can usually calm her down quickly and I’m fine with that. But if they aren’t getting what they should do then I’ll take her back.

Answer

I’m pretty sure they grow out of the phase when they do. I don’t think anything you are doing is going to prolong it. My little one is the same way but has gotten better but still has moments when I leave the room and freaks or cry’s with certain people.
I take my daughter back depending on her quality of crying. Sometimes I feel like she gives me the death stare crying until I rescue her

Answer

With my family, if my son cries they will try to soothe him if they cant they pass him back, or if hes looking at me and my partner they know he wants us so they will pass him back straight the way. I've also sat next to him telling him it's okay whilst another family member has him reassuring him I'm right here.
On the other hand, with my mother and father in law they dont pass him back full stop. Even when I ask for him. He cries every time hes with them. She says she doesn't see him enough but she sees him every weekend and we lived with them for the first 3 months. It's not that, he just doesn't like them. Hes not seen some of my family in months and doesn't cry.

What would you do if your baby cries every time they go to another family member that they aren’t that familiar with?

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