PPD & PPD

So litearlly since my baby has been born I've felt SO overwhelmed.. I remember being pregnant and thinking how I just wanted her out and now I regret that SO much. Since I gave birth all I do is worry about my baby, constantly, is she breathing? Am I doing okay? Does she hate me? Why will she not stop spitting up? I have spent the only times I'm not worrying about her (4 weeks pp) crying because I just want to die. I've never felt overwhelmed like this, I'm married but my spouse is never around to help (not to mention since I've given birth I litearlly hate his guts), I feel like all I do all 24 hours of the day is sit up with my crying baby, and I try breastfeeding her, cuddling her, and even if she's completely calm I still feel overwhelmed. I recently start supplementing with formula/frozen breastmilk because since birth I also have terrible anxitey attacks and my entire body starts shaking uncontrollably. Honestly, I just wish I could go back in time and take it all back, I love my baby so much but I SUCK at this mom thing.. and to tack some more sh*t on, I've never in my life felt so depressed and hopeless. All I want to do it die, but I know this that precious little baby needs me 😭