Teaching good behavior?

Question

Sorry I have been blowing up this group so much lately. 😂
Anywho, how are you guys dealing with/Teaching when babe goes a little wild/refuses to listen. We just had a huge melt down over the vacuum cleaner. I attemped to remove him and place him in "Time out?" But i was with him trying to teaxh him to breathe. Not sure if he is to young for this. Anyways he didn't calm down but for maybe 2 seconds? 
The other day I took him to a petting zoo and he was super obsessive about being in control of the stroller his brother was in the whole trip was a bust because he was like crazy man. 
In the future I try and learn his " triggers" and avoid them. Like locking up the vacuum cleaning. Using a sling instead of the stroller. But you guys know this isn't always possible. 
Are they just to young to understand? TIA

Answer

I love when you post :) it makes me happy whenever I see there’s still discussion in this group. 
With my boy, we’ve learned that the best thing to do when he throws a tantrum is to ignore him and actually turn away from him: by doing this, he is no longer in control of the situation now. You are. Instead of you waiting for him to calm down, he’s waiting for you to turn around and pay attention to him again. When you’re consistent with this, he will stop/spend less time wasting his energy on the tantrum.
My baby had the worst tantrums and would throw himself on the floor or run into the wall—it freaked me out. It took maybe two months of being consistent with this for him to somewhat outgrow it.
Buuuut before you ignore/turn around, make sure:
- he’s safe
- there’s nothing around that can hurt him
- the tantrum is not regarding a need, but a want.
Kids can get really flustered with their sudden overwhelming emotions. When my boy stops his tantrum and comes back to me, I pick him up, cuddle him and tell him I know it’s hard but that I’m there for him. If your boy doesn’t calm down after a while of ignoring him...he may not like it, but I really recommend picking him up, hugging him tight and rubbing his back or sushing him. Hugs are healing and comforting.
I hope this helps! Sorry I rambled.

Answer

I like finding what I call "acceptable alternatives". I'm sure someone has formalized it as a parenting method with proper names and everything, but I haven't yet come across it so here it is in my own thoughts:
Whenever my daughter isn't behaving well I offer some alternatives to what she wants that I find acceptable and I try to meet her halfway.
She always has a reason for not behaving well and she can't yet understand my reasons and arguments, so I believe I've got to explore both sides of the situation.
I think if I understand her reasons/wants/etc I might be able to offer a compromise that's acceptable or even good for both of us.
Her reason for misbehaving isn't that she wants to give me a hard time. She isn't trying to cause harm, get into dangerous situations or keep me from taking care of my chores. She's trying to explore the world, have fun, include me in her games, learn about the interesting things she sees, stay away from scary things...
Examples:
Like, you can't run around the parking lot on your own but if you wanna look at the cars you can look at them from my arms or while holding hands with me. No? Is it not about the cars? Is it about the running? Okay how about this, we both run to dad (two cars away, no moving cars in sight, I can be within arm's reach) who really wants to hug you. Boom, it's a win.
Or, she doesn't want to have her diaper changed. It's not about the diaper, it's about the game I'm interrupting. So you are playing with your plushie dog. What if we took this plastic toy (similarly well liked but easily cleaned if it gets dirty) to the changing table? Now it's a discussion about which toy she wants to bring. She is definitely coming.
Are you scared of the noise the vacuum cleaner makes? Do you wanna be in my arms and help with the machine? It is awkward and not easy to perform, but she is feeling safer while being held and more in control of the situation with her hands on the machine.
It doesn't always work, but like in 90% of cases it gives a good solution.
For example, she already tries to manipulate us sometimes. She figured out that by arguing about which toy to bring for bath/naptime/etc she can stay and play for a few more minutes - while the negotiations are going on. She loses that advantage though when I say the argument is taking too long and she's not being reasonable, so we're not bringing any toys at all. Resulted in a one minute forced crying and happened twice in the last two months. I told her that I loved her but we still wouldn't bring any toys because she refused to cooperate. She was angry but was reasonable afterwards.
Other times she's too angry/tired/scared/etc for any negotiations. I do try to tell her in terms she can understand what the problem is, but sometimes nothing works. Our bane is the car seat - there is no negotiating about the safety belts and staying seated. I try to divert her attention as much as I can, but I say she also has to learn that in certain situations, there is just no alternatives I can offer. She is safe and unharmed, so I take that as an opportunity to teach/learn about adversity. She ends up crying about being strapped into the car about once a month but for most other situations, we can make it work.
I'm not trying to say I can always negotiate my way out of her tantrums. Sometimes I lose my patience and shout. She also still cries every now and then either because she's tired, scared, or can't get what she wants. But most of the time I can get her to cooperate, and when I do say just "no" without any alternatives she understands it: when there are alternatives she gets to make choices, when there aren't any she isn't fussy.
Key is to stay consistent.
If you negotiate about something today, don't make it a solid "no" tomorrow.

Answer

Following! My daughter throws tantrums all the time. She’s been extra horrible lately when I’ve been trying the ignoring technique, purposefully hitting her head on the floor multiple times and harder as I ignore her more and pulling her hair. Yesterday she was such a mess and so upset (she’s sick with her first ear infection) that’s she pulled my hair and bit me on my finger. She’s never bitten before, so that was new to us. Right now we’re trying time outs, sometimes in the crib if she won’t settle down. I try to offer her the opportunity to talk about what the problem is, because ultimately I want her to understand it is okay to express what is wrong, but she doesn’t really talk yet so it’s not really working. Sometimes we have to threaten to take toys away, or not let her watch her favorite movie.

Answer

Follow simplyonpurpose on Instagram! It’s really helping me.

Answer

Sorry I can't put as much detail with little time, but pretty much I give get Independence and let her help as much as she can without being destructive to help ease her frustration/anger and in most cases that's all she wanted. Sometimes I can redirect her attention by acting really enthusiastic for her to help with something else. For the big breakdowns I ask her to stop nicely, then firmly, then I ask her if she wants me to throw away whatever it is she is throwing a tantrum over and she always says no then I reply with, well then you need to stop we are done. I haven't had to revert to anything else.

Teaching good behavior?

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