I feel like a total failure. My baby suddenly will not sleep in his bassinet, even if he is asleep when he is put into it he will wake up instantly. He doesn’t cry immediately, so I try to let him grunt it out but he always spits out the pacifier and always ends up crying in the end. He’s not hungry - he just wants to be with me.

Two nights ago it was past 5 am and I had only slept for 1 hour. Last night, I caved. So tired...I nursed him in bed and woke up 3 hours later to a cozy sweet baby cuddling me and feeling rested myself. This feels like a sick joke, that I can’t do this with my baby because it’s dangerous but it just so happens to be the only way we can sleep and my baby loves it. I am soooo scared that one of this “just this once” times he will not wake up from 😰 I always move all the blankets away but I prop my head and back up on pillows pretending I’m going to stay awake (and sometimes I do...). I always wake up in the same position and he’s safe but what if that changes?

Idk what to do. I just wish he liked his bed. I wish it wasn’t fatal to have him in bed with me. Maybe I should buy a sleeping bag and sleep on the floor of his bedroom with him. I just feel like he and I could sleep the whole night if only together and it’s so frustrating and I feel like I’m making bad habits and literally risking his life