No pain meds

I have a chronic illness that has taken over my life and made me change a lot. I have to get surgery often. The idea that something takes so much of my life away makes me so angry. Instead of dealing with this... I just refuse to take pain meds after surgery. Makes me feel... makes me believe that I’m in control and I’m not letting something take over my life as much. I refuse to take anything and tell everyone I’m ok. Makes me feel stronger but I know I’m not. I need help.