Yesterday my sister took me clothing shopping because I’ve gotten so fat nothing fits me. not much fit me and I didn’t like how I looked, I’m almost 200 lbs now so I told her I needed some water and went into the bathroom and cried.

I thought maybe god blessed me and I’m pregnant, I’ve had a tubal ligation almost three years ago and I regret it horribly ever since I want another baby desperately.

Well here we are at 12 dpo I have all the symptoms but I start bleeding i wasn’t supposed to start for two days, my hearts broken yes I’m an idiot for even hoping but that’s all I can do is hope that one day maybe I will heal and god will bless me again.

But here I am crying my eyes out and I call my husband to tell him I need tampons for tomorrow, I’m trying everything I can to hold back the sobs so he can’t hear it.

And I fail miserably because he can hear it in my shaky voice. And he says honey why are you crying so I tell him.

How tired I am of my body acting pregnant and gaining weight and never being pregnant that I want another baby so bad but I can never have one again and it hurts my heart.

And all he can manage to say cause there’s nothing else to say is it’s going to be ok we will figure it out.

I know we won’t we can’t afford the reversal surgery there is no way.

He is so amazing I know he’d do anything for me he doesn’t even really want another baby but I know for me he’d try anything to make sure I can again if he could. He is so amazing and I appreciate him so much. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭