I have always struggled with having a positive body image. I have always been concerned with how other people see me and what they think of how I look. I’ve had things that I didn’t like about my body before (thighs larger than most and small bust); but my postpartum body has me in tears every time I look in the mirror or look down.

I hate myself. I hate the way I look, and I hate the way I feel about my body. I am ashamed for my husband to see me naked or exposing my breast to feed our baby because I feel so disgusting.

Sometimes I think that both my baby and my husband would be better off without me. How can my husband love me when I can’t even love myself. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t recognize this person in the mirror with the hanging, wrinkly stomach covered in stretch marks... stretch marks all down my thighs and butt and hips... and soon my breast which will inevitably sag and make me even more unappealing.

I am ashamed that I have these feelings and thoughts. I’m also ashamed that I haven’t bounced back. I’m 7 weeks postpartum and I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. All the women in my family have looked like they were never pregnant just weeks after birth. Why don’t I? Was it one too many cupcakes, or Oreos?

I use art as an outlet, and drew a picture of myself today. Can someone help me to feel better about my body? Will I ever look the same again? Will I forever be covered in stretch marks, unable to wear a swim suit or shorts confidently?