Third shift at work and I’m in the bathroom sobbing because I’m sick of my body.

I’m sick of being in limbo and not knowing why or what my body’s doing.

I’ve gotten vvfl on cheapies and finally a first response this morning (11dpo). But I’ve been let down my vvfls, indents and so on.

After 5 losses I’m finding is so hard to even be anything but scared and anxious. I don’t feel joy or excitement. Just absolute terror. I keep pleading with God to finally give me a solid test I don’t have to second guess and it just won’t come.

Why cant my body just be normal and not betray me? I just want to be happy.