To the Gray clouds.

Yesterday morning, I got my wish come true, two pink lines. I excitedly went in an hour later for some lab work to confirm the results and calm my nerves since I miscarried one week after finding out this past January.

The doctor calls me back and says..

"Your pregnancy test was normal"

Me: "What do you mean normal?"

D: "It was less than 1. something, meaning negative, you're not pregnant"

The conversation fell off at that point and I just wanted to hang up but she kept talking. I hate being so traumatized, I lost my baby in January and the two lines gave me so much hope and happiness all for it to be crushed in one day.

I am tired of feeling crazy when I tell them I get positives at home, but negative when the blood results come back.

It's as if I am being teased with mother hood. The worst part of it all is I am in the military, and our healthcare is rushed, if I am not dying, I won't be taken very seriously. I've asked for full blood work up, but got denied and "re assured" that I am normal. I don't feel that way. I have to report to work every single day like I am not dying on the inside. I work in Behavioral Health, and the days I get the patients who are mourning a loss/post partum depression, it eats at me.

Maybe I like to connect to many things to coincidence, but today the clouds were gray, and it's going to rain soon. The weather has not been this way for months.