can’t have sex?

Question

so basically me and this guy have been trying to have sex for a while. we do great foreplay and all that but every time he goes to put it in, it’s just TOO painful! like it feels like i’m tearing or stretching so i don’t know if it’s just something i need to get over? or is there something i can do to prepare?
thank you!!

Answer

Once he starts to put it in, try to ask him to do it slowly. Put it in a little and then stop and breathe. Focus on making sure your pelvic muscles are really relaxed. Just do it little bits at a time. It will get easier.

Answer

It sounds like you are taking all the precaustions - taking your time, being super wet, taking it slow. So the normal advice is useless.
Do you ever use tampons without issues? Can you put your own finger in? If you can fit a finger in, I can suggest slowly increasing the number of fingers as you get more aroused.
There can be a few reasons. The first is vaginismus. One of the sets of muscles around your vagina slams shut. This happens unconsiously, and the reason for this is unknown. Some women experience this always, some only in certain situations, some start at a point in time and it just misteriously disappear again. It is thought that this is more mental than physical. Women that were exposed to stories from moms, sisters, aunts and friends having painful or bloody experiences with sex are more prone to develop this. Or they were subjected to sexual asault of some sort when they were younger.
The male partner often describes vaginismus as like hitting a wall with his penis, and the woman can often not fit a tampon or finger inside.
The other is a hymen that is too tight and elastic, or a septate hymen. Have you taken a mirror and explored?
For both these conditions, your doctor can help.

can’t have sex?

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