I can’t help but wonder that me and my husband are NOT meant for each other... then sometimes I feel like love conquers all.

I’m just exhausted, I’m not in an ideal financial situation... my car just got repossessed, it’s hard to find work while pregnant with baby #3!! I’m not thrilled with the way I look even though I’m slim. I don’t feel wanted or desired by my husband! Every time I seem to find myself coming out of PPD I end up pregnant again so this has been a going on 3 year cycle and I want to leave him But my financials won’t allow it... I’d have nowhere to live, no car, no money! Not even my kids! Cuz they’d have to stay with him! I don’t want to go to my mom’s cause it’s 3 hours away and I dnt want to separate our family that far! I’m at my wits end! I try to make solutions but I feel like I can’t until I get myself out of this depression cause therapy didn’t work cause I need action not to talk about it... I have will power and drive! It just depletes when I continue to fail!!!! Every job I’ve applied to didn’t want me! I finally got a job offer and just accepted it! Even though I have no babysitter for my other 2 and no car to get to work and the schedule does not correspond with my husband so sharing a car would be difficult! Not much extra money for Uber/lyft like ugh!!!!!!!!!!!! Why is this happening to me???? I want to start a go fund me but that’ll be putting my business out there and open for ppl to say bullshit and I just don’t need that right now. I often times contemplate suicide, I just feel useless and a burden but I want to see my kids grow up! I remember sitting in my closet full of tears with a fist full of 800mg ibuprofen! Like I’m just fed up!!!!! The light at the end of the tunnel is very shallow and I can barely see it 😢 I don’t even know why I’m posting here. I can’t sleep and these thoughts are overbearing 😭