I’m almost 19 weeks and considering abortion

Pregnant with #2 and my first child turned 2 in February. Pregnant by the same guy my boyfriend of 6 years but our relationship has only gotten worse and it’s so bad. He’s controlling he’s abusive he’s a manipulator, a lot of things. I’m not giving him all blame but I’m just so overwhelmed and tired of everything. I fell into a trap with him once again. I shouldnve known by now anyways, he wasn’t loving with my first pregnancy and he was even abusive then and made my pregnancy miserable even tho he wanted a baby so bad. He tried so hard to get me pregnant again even tho I was saying I wasn’t ready yet and I want to focus more on progressing with a better job and whatnot before we had another one if we did but of course its my fault too because ive never been on birth control and I know the consequences of sex and what they can be. If I were to everrrrrr abort I would never want to do it this far along :/ but I’m feeling like it would be for the better. I’m so lost