I didn’t expect it to hurt as much as it did

My husband and I have been trying the past 6 months to conceive. We have been convinced over and over again it was our month. But month after month that second line never showed and Aunt Flo decided to make her appearance.

As it was Mother’s Day, my siblings and I decided to pay mom a visit. One of my older brothers who had a difficult marriage (debating divorce, both are never happy, didn’t want any more kids) handed my mom a beautiful bag wrapped in ribbons and bows. Inside was a lovely card...and a positive pregnancy test. My mouth dropped to the floor, my entire body went numb, and I cried. Fortunately for me I was able to pass the tears off as happy tears, but I was breathless and taken aback as they explained their story of their decision to try to conceive. I had to excuse myself and go to the bathroom to let everything out. My husband made his way in knowing what was going on and just held me.

I have heard women can experience this. It’s not that I am jealous. It’s not that I’m unhappy. But I’m hurt that we were so convinced this was our month. This was the way we would have announced it to mom. And it would have been the exact same time frame for OUR babies birthday. I knew the journey was going to be hard, have it’s ups and downs, but I never expected what used to be the happiest of moments to turn into one of my saddest.