My mom is undergoing a depression and I don't know if I want her around. Love her dearly but I don't know if I can handle her telling me things like "will you manage" am still pregnant and she tells me my pelvic is small, don't eat much baby will grow too big to fit, are you scared?, Giving birth ain't easy, u will see!" get the concern but I just need positive words like "u can make it, breath, your body knows how to do it" anyway currently am strong so I playfully told her if baby is too big, they cut him out, no problem. She laughed at how carefree I sounded but I can't guarantee what impact the negative words would do to me when am in the actual pain. Also I worry since am giving birth in the hospital my dearest uncle died. She always goes into mourning mood when we go there. But generally she is so sensitive about anything one says because of her depression. Usually she is excited about grand kids but mine, hehe, she has not done any single thing which I understand because she goes through a hard time. Irony is my siblings think am her favourite n I used to watch her do stuff for their babies n it would excite me when my turn comes but guess life happens. I don't know if she is strong or stable enough to support me through labor.

My husband as literally done nothing to educate himself about pregnancy. Am even lucky if he can look at baby move. I Finally got him to think of a name. I feel he ain't ready honestly. Like he doesn't even know the clues of what I need. Also he loves to argue and discuss a lot. I am not up for a discussion when am in pain honestly. For him it is bonding but for me it is tiring. Then there is a problem of language barrier. He speaks English and my medical team speaks German. I don't know if he will be able to even communicate what I need or want.

Then there is my best friend who offered to come with me. She lives in another city but said she would take a leave from work for a week just to come be with me. She is strong. She is principled so I know she would communicate my needs well. She knows and speaks better German than both my husband and mom. Only down side is she ain't my mom or husband and my hospital only allows maximum 2 people. If I take her, who would wait outside? Am closer to my husband and mom. Yet I love her to bits. She also has been listening to me and doing all she can to help me even when she stays far. She comes over help me organise my home, she is throwing me a shower. She is just amazing. She also has been there for me emotionally.

Then there is me. I am so shy and I hate being looked at naked. I even want the minimum medical personnel needed for baby's safety and not one person more. My ideal birth would be alone in forest if it were guaranteed safety. I have been told I can't go in alone. It is so tough and painful, you are pushed to your limits physically and emotionally and need a support person around. So I will have someone. But I don't want them to see me like that. Am only counting on the fact that I won't even care as my only back up plan of how to best off the shame of them looking at me. Yep. My mom last saw me naked when I was 6 years. My best friend has never seen me naked. N my husband has never seen me giving birth in all that beaten up state.

Who should I go with?

Thanks everyone for reading, I know it is long.

Please don't insult me in case I said STH that doesn't please you, am only human and much as I tried to explain a lot, there is much more to the story than I can write. Just need some good constructive advice. Thank you.