How??

So my husband and I just got a divorce because he cheated. A part of me is repulsed by him and feels like I'd be degrading myself by sleeping with him again. Then another part of me wants to stay friends with benefits and still let him hit it, he may still have feelings for me but I just cant look at him the same and I dont even miss him. I dont want to be in a relationship anytime soon or spread my legs open for some stranger, I feel like I just wont be satisfied. I still get horny asf, but I cant masturbate to save my life, the vibrator I have doesnt really do anything and it has like 12 settings, and I dont like the feeling of fingering myself. The most I could do is hump and rub my pussy watching some porn to get off, but I just feel like I cant really be satisfied. How am I supposed to go about living a healthy sex life always feeling so needy and not getting the D anymore?