So there’s this guy, let’s call him Darren and I am pretty sure I ruined everything with him. I have dated many guys, not Darren though. He’s always just been a friend even though I was attracted to him when we first met. Plus we were never single at the same time. Anyways, Darren has always been protective of me like a brother and when bad things would happen he’d be there for me. He’s the only guy who’s ever been able to hug me and make me feel like there was nothing bad or scary in the world. The thing is that last year I was in an abusive relationship and he was in a one sided one. It got really bad for me and I broke down at work and he was there for me to hold me for as long as I needed. He didn’t realize how bad things were until that day. As soon as I finally told him the truth about everything we had a talk and he was trying to convince me to leave my S/O that he told me I shouldn’t have been with to start. It was that day that I felt a different sort of connection with him and I felt strong enough to leave my S/O. I told my S/O that weekend and then the next week he freaked out and put himself in a psych ward so that I wouldn’t leave him. That week he was in the psych ward I had one day that was really bad and Darren was there for me again. This time it went a little further than just hugs and talking. He kissed me with a passion no one had ever kissed me with before and when it happened I felt like I’d been waiting for it my whole life. It was just one night and we didn’t even go all the way even though we both wanted to. After that my S/O came to my house and acted like a completely different person. I fell for it and moved away with him. Darren checked up on me and I was supposed to see him but my S/O didn’t let me. I went back to hiding things about my S/O and had to stop talking to Darren. One night I got drunk and sent him a message about how much I missed him but he never replied and I think that maybe he was hurt. I honestly never meant to. It was a stupid decision on my part. I finally left my S/O a few months later and moved back to my old town. I tried to get in contact with Darren and still couldn’t. I found out him and his gf had broken up sometime in the months I was away. It’s been a year since I made the stupidest decision of my life and I’m trying to figure out how to stop being full of regret. It sucks that I’ll never get to see what could’ve been with Darren because every time since then whenever I was scared or hurt or upset all I wanted was him. Tonight I’m really feeling it. I just want to know how to get over someone that you never even dated. All I miss is that feeling of safety he gave me.