My loneliest goodbye

To those of you who have been in mental, physical and emotional abuse. I feel for you. I hurt for you and I sympathize with you.

Getting out of an abusive relationship is the hardest thing I’ve had to do. I went through a divorce and even this is harder than what I had to experience.

The manipulation someone can place upon you is deadly. Get out while you can.

I wrote this poem from the deepest part of my soul, I hope you can read this and know you’re not alone.

MY LONELIEST GOODBYE-

As I cried those nights, missing you and trusting what you told me was true, you touched and caressed her body, you gave yourself to her and threw me away like garbage for the rats to pick and steal.

Those lonely nights all alone in my sheets, while her hands grazed your body as she held you through the night. That was supposed to be me. I thought you loved me, I thought I was right.

The days, moments and seconds as you ran through my head, the memories of us both laying in your bed...now blistered memories of yet another woman who lies where my body used to lye next to you as I held you to sleep, the place where passion was shared, where I thought our love was sacred.

The hurt and betrayal I feel caused by something yet quite so simple. L-O-V-E

The things I have given for you, the nights as you cried, the days when I didn’t know if we would make it, I thought your love was true. I thought you meant it this time. But I’ve realized it’s just a huge lie.

I’ve been gagged and bound, my voice has left me in the sand where I walked through the planes of the desert to find myself only to be taken and torn.

Confused and trapped, my mind cannot figure out what is reality and what’s not.

Cries in the night echo in my mind. The commitment I gave when we were torn, all seem but withered away into embers from the fiery ashes where once stood the strongest pillars, but you cut my heart into fragments and burned it in the fires of hell created by you.

As I waited for you, as I stood by your side, you deceived me like the devil in the night. You snuck her into a place where we once called our home, a place where I thought our love would have grown.

Secrets and lies that I wish I never knew, come out like a tiger pouncing on a doe that prances through the forest-no clue as to the true dangers that lie behind the beauty of painted on colors.

I do not know her face, I do not know her race, yet I know there must have been something in her for you to chase.

You say you love me, you say you want a family, but how can you say that when all you’ve done is hurt me?

I’m confused and feel trapped, you have sucked what was left and stolen me from my body. It’s so cold down here and so fucking lonely.

No control yet all control, but yet still controlled by you, the one thing I know that was true was my absolute love and intentions for you. Yet they’ve faded into black where my ghosts haunt me and my thoughts chase me.

The wounds on my heart run deeper than the oceans floor, yet the ocean that holds my sorrows, carries them to new places as the water strives to heal my dying soul and floating pieces of what once was life.

I just wanted to be loved, held and cared for. But while you held me at night, you dreamt of her.

Another worry on my list another piece of my heart thrown into the abyss. How long will I let you control me and use me, how long can I stand until you free me?

The cuts on my arms, the cuts on my wrists, they all tell stories of why I feel broken and worthless.

In pain and debating life, you drove me past the edge as you struck me with your knife. The blade cut so deep, even doctors couldn’t heal, my only option now is to sit back and take the wheel.

I hope one day you can see the damage you’ve done, the monster you created and the love you could have won.

I didn’t ask much of you while I gave it all away, to someone unappreciative as you stripped me night and day.

You stole my heart and you also stole my mind, as you keep them locked away in them I hope you find, that I never wanted to hurt you, I always tried my best, to make you feel worthy even at my loneliest.

As you shit on me and you ripped my healed wounds open, All that was once inside me is now completely broken.

Playing on my heartstrings you snapped them one by one, not sure how to replace them for they lay under the weight of 1 ton.

I hope one day you can change and see the scars that you have made, I hope you will soon realize that her looks will someday fade.

Lessons learned but hearts torn apart,

You stripped me till I was nothing but bones like a fucking piece of art.

Be careful what you do and how you portray yourself, I barely made it out alive, but next time you’ll be burying her in her grave.

For this I know is true, I still believe in you. Your energy and your waves can cause a ripple effect in your life, whether good or bad, hot or cold, the choice is yours to stir up strife.

Honesty will do you many favors, but please think before you speak, for all it takes is just one single word to cause someone to sink.

Although a beautiful waterfall, something so precious and devine, it drowned me in the rocks where the sun used to shine.

My body might not be hurt, but my mind is torn apart. There is nothing you could ever do to mend my broken heart.

Take control and let it be, don’t let the demons swallow you whole, Own your life and stand your ground, for this is when you find your soul.

It is never too late to turn around and change, I believe in you but I beg please don’t make me watch you hang.

You only get one body, only one life to live, don’t give up, and always make sure you give.

The people around you and the lives that you hold, the effect that you place will have an impact till gray and old. Remember these hearts are worth much more than gold.

I want you to know that the love I have for you still floats in my soul, but that nothing can ever fix or replace the pieces that you stole.

Redemption is near and life only lasts so long, pick yourself up and make sure you stand strong.

Find serenity and hold it close to your heart, please take this time to think and restart.

Goodbyes are never fun, goodbyes are never easy. I know for me this won’t just be breezy.

I’ll love you for life, I will truly always care, just not in the way I wanted because you have stripped me bare.

Goodbye, all the best of luck to you. Take the time to heal yourself but always stay true.