We had our loss at 9 weeks, back in February. We started trying again this month and I'm 11dpo and after getting a negative test yesterday. I started feeling defeated, now I just feel down right broken again. I feel so lost....i know they say that loss of a pregnancy is never a pain you get over, you just learn to live with it...but i can't 😭😭 every time I think about it, I have to force myself to breathe. I wanted that baby so badly. Days after I started miscarrying, I was crying to my mom on FaceTime and she goes "well I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason" she says that to me....while I'm still bleeding out the remains of the life I've lost...and not even a few days later, my best friend says that because I never heard a heartbeat, I didn't lose a life...i would have given anything to hear my baby's heart...to know their gender...to see them grow. Instead I got to put away the diapers we started stocking...knowing that this baby could never use them...i got to watch my husband try to hide the ultrasound pictures that he didnt think i could handle seeing...i just haven't felt like or been the same person since...i feel like a failure as a woman and a wife...i feel like i couldn't keep the one thing that my husband wanted most in the world safe...i relive the phone call to his job. Telling him to please come home as fast as he could...him getting home and running into our room as I'm sitting there...losing our child...i relive him and his parents explaining to his 4 year old sister, that Cat and Manny's baby had to go to heaven and that she couldn't see anymore of the pictures (ultrasound copy we gave them). I thought I was ready to try again, my doctor said my body is ready...but i don't know if my heart is ready...