My husband and I have been together since dec. 2015, and married since dec. 2018. In November of 2017 i got off of birth control because we wanted to try and have a baby! At this point i knew nothing about tracking anything but my period. I didn’t know how to use ovulation test, or when to test for pregnancy or anything like that so we just didn’t use them and baby danced whenever. It was up in the air that we wanted a baby but we were on a “if it happens, it happens” kind of mind set. August of 2018 i felt, off. We had a bunch of friends over on a weekend and my husband had made me a drink. I barely even touched it and i was extremely tired and a little bit crampy so I thought my period was just coming. I ended up going to bed extremely early. A few days later i thought what the heck, lets take a test. My roommate and I went and got three dollar store test and these were the results.

I didn’t know much about pregnancy tests so I sent this picture to my sister inlaw and she just responded with “well your period definitely isn’t coming” so i knew! I went to a walk in clinic to get a professional test taken and yep! I was pregnant! A week or so goes by and I have my first ultrasound at 9 weeks and 3 days.

This is my first, and unfortunately, last ultrasound. My dr had told me that there was no sign of a fetal heart beat. My heart was torn in two. I never thought in a million years something like this would happen to us. After a few cycles my husband and I decided to try again. Boom! Pregnant again!

I was so happy, and hopeful, but at the same time i was worried sick that it might happen to us again, and it did. I woke up one morning i was 5 weeks, and two days. I had started bleeding. HEAVY. So i called my dr, she had me come and do some lab results to check my hcg levels. We also had found out that I have a thyroid condition, so since then I’ve been on meds for that.

My heart was broken again. After that I decided to start working out, eating way healthier and just overall being a healthier and happier person so I didn’t dwell on the fact of “omg i need to be pregnant” after I had one full healthy cycle we decided to try again. Period came. Tried again, period came, tried once more period came. I was obsessed. I tracked everything. I tested like a mad woman. I was so invested on trying to have a baby. This month we gave it a go. Period came.

I’m to the point where I am tired. I’m tired of worrying. I’m tired of being jealous of other pregnant woman I see in public. I’m tired of wishing, hoping. I’m tired of getting that look from my husband every time i THINK i see something on a negative test. I’m tired. We’ve decided we are going to take a step back for a few cycles and see where life may take us. I know that my baby timer is not ticking. I know that god has a plan for us. I’m putting all of my trust into him. He had thrown so many blessings in our lives and I know he will one day bless us with children. But, for now. It’s break time. Thank you for anyone who has read this far. I appreciate every kind word i have been given on this app throughout our journey. I pray that every single one of you gets blessed with beautiful bundles of joy when your time is right. Blessings! 💋💋💋