I should be 8 weeks 4 days. Had my first appointment today. Tiny angel measured 5 weeks, 6 days. No heart beat. Did it ever have a heart beat? I don’t know. Would it make me feel better one way or another? I think I’m ok, just sad, and then something punches me in the gut and it’s hard to breathe I’m crying so hard. Grief is weird. I still have to go through the dog and pony show of another ultrasound, and decisions. Doctor said a 50/50 chance. But I know. I know I ovulated April 6th. LMP Mar 23rd. We’ve been trying for a while. Ovulation strips, close tracking of my cycle. So I already know. I went from lovingly holding my stomach to just wanting this intruder out of me. Is that normal? It feels like a crude response to something I already loved so much. I just want to know my reactions are normal. I wanted this tiny life so badly. And now here it sits. Not growing, not beating, not coming out. Like my body is holding on to hope so desperately where I have none. I just want it to be over. I don’t know why I’m posting or what I’m asking. I guess I just need to be dramatic, pissed off, and so so sad.