*This is my story and its long. But i will not apologize for the length of these chapters of my story.*

Im a survivor of many sexual abuse cases. Yes. Im in canceling. Been in canceling for few years now. Im 32years old and have a 10year old son.  i wont go to much in detail. 

1. (  i do not remember any of this. Going off my mother's words and court documents.) 

When i was 18 months.  I was sexually abused by a women in my daycare. Ive been going to this daycare for couple weeks. My mother noticed a bite mark on my inner thigh. Adult bite mark. She noticed blood in my diaper as well. She took me in to ER immediately.

Thats when it was confirmed i was sexually abused. The daycare was shut down. The women was sent to prison, along with a couple of others.

2. (I have two younger brothers from different dads. I believe i was 5. From where we were living at time.)

 Anyway.  My mom worked during mornings and sometimes all the way through the day. My brother's dad would take care of all of us. One morning i woke up from bad dream. My mom had all the phone numbers by our telephone. I dialed "Moms Work". Mom talked to me and calmed me for little while. Then my brothers father,  took the phone and started talking to her.  After he hung up. he picked me up and put me in bed with him. Nothing wrong with that. All sudden he put me on top of him. Pretty much told me to hold his penis "pee pee" while doing so he wanted me to dry humb him.  Thats all i can remember. He never did again,  but he would masterbate while i played barbies as much i can remember. Before they broke up. 

Later in day my mom came home, asked how the day went and he said "went good, i held her until she went back to sleep." I never told my mom what happened. To this day i havent. He died from a bad liver when i was in my 20's. He was never good guy.  Been in and out of jail. My brother doesnt even call him dad.

3. Sometime around same time.  when my brothers dad got a job, we had to go to a babysitter. Which i loved going over. They had many kids to play with. We would get in to water gun wars. Along with all the kids at the apartments.  I loved that game. One of the older boys (not sure his age, but he knew this was wrong. I want say maybe 16) wanted me on his team. I was fine with it. He was always fun and he was my sitters oldest son. While we were hiding in a ditch, with bushes all around. He pulled my underwear down and started playing with my vagina. He kept asking if i liked it. I just stood there, shaking my head yes. But i didnt know better. I dont even think it felt good. I just didnt want him to be mad. He started take his penis out of his pants and wanted me to suck on it "like a sucker, it taste good." while he was forcing my head down.  Some kid came by and he stopped. Told me not say anything or my mom would be mad.  Bla bla.  I never told anyone. Not even my mother to this day.  Not sure what happened to him. I do know some of kids in that family got in to gangs and such. I found out about some years ago. Half of them were in jail. 

4. (This next one still affects me to this day. Probably the way my mom handled it and how this nasty man. Is not in jail and he has a younger daughter.)

My cousins got put in fostercare, when i was 8 or 9. My oldest cousin ran away from place he was at. My mom took him in and he was almost 18.  they would kick him out anyway at 18. From what i can remember the conversation they had. So she would hide him when DES came looking for him. He started  babysitting us, since my mother had 2 jobs and no sitter. My mother was single at time. 

It started with us watching cartoons, and he would masturbate. Remember after morning cartoons. I would shower,  he would come in and watch. One day he grabbed towl and put in it. He started to play "Tickle Monster" and it ended up him touching my privates on accident. 

One night he came in my room, that i shared with my brothers and started touching. I woke up, but acted like nothing happened. So just about every day he would play Tickle Monster or wrestling with me and touch me down there. I remember when dare came to our school and talked about the bad touches. I so badly want to say something but I was so scared. I did learn to yell no. 

So one night my mom's new boyfriend was watching TV and I was in my bedroom playing with Barbies and my cousin went in there started wrestling around me and started touching me. 

I yelled no and stop. I was on his lap and he squeezed me.  Told me to be quiet. He went and shut the door.  I was so out breath i just layed there, while he molested me. Went on for some time. 

By 10 years. He moved out. When i was 16 i told my brothers and they didnt believe me. And what do you know the exact night my cousin came to visit. My brother's brought it up to him and he insisted that I was lying. After that he moved back in and would give me gifts and money. 

I actually would ask for money. He never tried touching me but it was like a secret we had. 

Anyway years go by and i have my first child and i was going through divorce and the counseling kind of made me bring up. I told my mom and her first thing is he was young too. I kept telling her no cuz I know for sure you guyz talked about how he was turning 18. this and that. 

NOW she believes me, my brothers do too.  I even confronted him on Facebook and he completely deleted me and cut off mostly all family communication. Hr has a 6yr old daughter. I got in contact with one of the police officers here in my state and they told me that if there wasn't any proof I can't do anything about it. But he did say if I write him a letter and if he apologize I can actually use that as proof. 

 I can't get hold of him whatsoever and do a letter like that. but I did get ahold of his now-wife and explain what happened to me and she literally didn't even respond to it.  Matter of fact. she's friends with me on all my social media and always and I mean always likes when I talk about the me too act. 

Thats my story. Took me 2 days becuz i was having anexty. But it feels good to write this and share.