I know I probably won’t look great in this post, but I need some etiquette help.

In November, my SIL gave us a gender reveal party. All I asked for was to send her the envelope and she get a cake. I even offered to pay for it. She ended up throwing a huge party and it was like a mini baby shower. It was honestly, a little annoying because we got a ton of clothes, and most were super cute, but impractical poofy dresses. We thanked her kindly for the party over and over again. During our visit, there was a huge blow up where she went crazy on us and we haven’t spoken since.

It came out after he fact, that my MIl and FIL had helped with the cost of the party and gifts. Not sure how much or what specifically. We thanked them profusely as well.

I had an actual baby shower that my MIL and FIL did not send a gift to. They said they felt the gender reveal was their gift. Obviously we are grateful for what they did, but we really expected they would get us something useful off the registry, in addition to what they had already given us (whatever that was exactly).

I sent out thank you cards for my baby shower gifts. I didn’t even think to send one to them for the gender reveal. Upon our baby’s birth, my MIL and FIL visited. They flat out asked me where their thank you card was. I explained my perspective honestly...that I didn’t think to send a card for the reveal, as we hadn’t expected gifts, nor were we aware of what they actually contributed. I also mentioned that although we were grateful, we were a little sad they hadn’t offered a smaller gift from our registry, as that would have been more helpful to us.

For weeks I have been asking my significant other what to put in a thank you card to them. He thinks we shouldn’t send one. I feel awkward because they asked. I have no idea what to say without making it sound inauthentic. Today I received this text, from my MIL.

What do I do? What do I say in the card? Am I a horrible person?

I know this probably makes us sound ungrateful, but it just kind stunk getting a party we didn’t ask for and then being told to appreciate it when we were still lacking baby essentials from our registry.