I’m getting irritated with my husband lately because I feel like he’s not being considerate of me recently. He’s always been very good about things, like telling me if he’s going to be late from work, or if he’s going out after work, etc. But three separate instances this month and he’s starting to get on my nerves. For perspective, hubby is a school teacher who gets out at 2:30, 3:15 at the latest if he has a club after school. He also has a 30 minute commute on a good day, but the stretch he drives is notorious for BAD traffic and multi car accidents several times a week, so I also worry about him on the road.

The first time he told me he was going out for drinks on his way home from work with his parents, but he would be home for dinner. (Dinner is at 6pm to keep our kids in their routine, they’re 1 and 3 so not as flexible as older kids.) He didn’t get home until after 6:30 and walked in with leftovers. I had made dinner and already fed the kids so I said something about the fact that he said he was going to be home for dinner. He said his mom changed things last minute and he didn’t think to text me and would it have made a difference anyway? Well no, it wouldn’t because by the time he knew about the change I would have already started making dinner, so whatever. I let it go, but I said he could have at least let me know he was eating out so I didn’t wait to eat with him.

Second time, middle of the month, he’s going out for drinks after work with a coworker. Don’t make dinner, we’ll order out. Okay, great! It gets to be 5:30 and no word from him. I need to know what he wants to order and he needs to come home to stay with the kids while I go get it because normally he doesn’t like picking it up. I call him, he declines my call. Texts me he’ll call back in a minute. Ten minutes later I call him again and he’s just leaving. So I find out what he wants, call it in to the restaurant, and have him pick it up on his way home because otherwise the kids won’t be eating until well after 6:30 if I wait for him to get home and go out myself. Again, not a huge deal, but now I’m starting to get irritated that he’s not being considerate of me or the kids’ schedule.

Tonight, he’s going out for a coworker’s retirement party, just drinks at the winery, he’ll be home for dinner (are you seeing a pattern here?) I made dinner. Fed the kids. 6:45 and no word from him. I call, he declines. Texts me he’ll call in a minute. Ten minutes later he calls, and he can clearly tell I’m irritated this time. He wants to know why I’m mad. Well because you said you would be home for dinner, you didn’t take two seconds to text me to tell me you were staying late, I didn’t know if you’re on the road and got into an accident, etc. He says I’m right, he should have let me know the event was going longer than he thought it would, but that I shouldn’t be irritated and he doesn’t want to be “in trouble” when he gets home. (Like I’m his mommy or something and I’m going to put him in time out?) Why didn’t I text him earlier? Well because I knew he was out with his coworkers and I don’t want him to feel like I’m being a nag to get him to come home. He didn’t get home until almost 7:30.

Am I really asking too much here? Like I don’t want him to feel like I’m some psycho trying to keep tabs on his every move but if you say you’re going to be home around a certain time (dinner=6) and you’re not, I don’t feel like it’s asking too much to send me a text and let me know. Especially when you’re over an hour and a half late and drive a bad stretch of highway home. It’s really making me feel like the kids and I are an afterthought instead of a priority. I also don’t want to make him feel like I’m being controlling and he can’t go out after work; again, just let me know when you think you’ll be home so that I know whether or not to feed the kids or eat myself, or bother making a big dinner, or worry about you driving. Ugh. Is it me? Am I making more of this than I should?