*trigger, I am currently pregnant*

I lost my son at 27 weeks what will be two years ago in August. His twin sister survived, but the remainder of my pregnancy was HARD. I had to carry my dead baby around inside of me for another 8 weeks. I had to figure out how to mourn a loss while also celebrating my daughter’s life.

I’m 17 weeks now and I’m having a rough time. Pregnancy has been easy so far, other than a bout of scary heavy bleeding. But my anxiety is insane. I’m having a hard time feeling excited or connected to my baby. I did everything right last time and still, my child died. My ob says this is all really normal and they have been incredibly supportive. But I’m struggling & it’s hard to talk about with people who don’t get it. I had postpartum post traumatic stress and it almost feels like I already have postpartum depression before even being postpartum.