What would you do?

Question

Say you have multiple kids and you told them if they behave grocery shopping youd all go for ice cream, and say 3 out of your 4 kids behaved great but one did not...would you take all kids for ice crwam and not all the misbehaved child ice cream, or not take anyone of them for ice cream because one child acted up?

Answer

I don’t see why all of them should be punished for the behaviour of one which the others can’t control. I think if the one that was misbehaved misses out and everyone else gets rewarded for being good then they will be more inclined to behave the next time to avoid missing out again. If you can’t behave you can’t have treats, punishing the ones that did behave as well kind of defeats that message.

Answer

I am a teacher and I hated when students who did what they were supposed to get punished because of a few or when students who were misbehaving got rewarded because of something they didn’t earn (we had to follow the discipline plan the principal put in place even though a lot of the teachers disagreed with it) 🤦🏻‍♀️ children need to learn how to earn things and work hard and be proud. Whether that is completing an assignment or behaving at the store. If you don’t stick to your word your kids will know they can act up and still get rewarded. Unfortunately a lot of people don’t want to enforce consequences, say no, or let a kid learn their lesson because we are afraid it will hurt their feelings. Stand your ground. It will help prepare them for the real world. They will be better people for it 😊

Answer

I’m a teacher and sometimes group rewards and punishments are ok .... but in reality when as an adult do you get punished as a group? 
How bad was the one kid behaving? What’s their age? Are they always the one misbehaving? 
Since they are your children and not a group of kids let’s say at school.... i’d treat them all based on their own behavior.... the other kids may start picking on the one behaving badly because they are being punished and that’s a whole other situation..... I’d make the one sit there while everyone ate their treat (probably) but again I’d need more info.... 
Your their momma tho so you know best

Answer

Honestly in my personal opinion I think it’s unfair to take 3 out of the 4 kids to get ice cream even if the one did act out. Instead of taking the good ones out for ice cream I would use group punishment and not take any of them out for a treat. I would tell them if you all behave we will get ice cream, if not than no one gets a treat. That could also make the other kids encourage the one that acted out this time to behave in the future, or make the kids not want to spoil it for the rest.

Answer

I dont believe in collective punishment when theres some who arent guilty. 
  If you give warning of what will happen, and they choose not to do what you asked, then that's the result. Anything else would be an empty warning/threat/consequence, whatever you wanna call it.

Answer

Just the one who misbehaved shouldn’t get the treat. However I wouldn’t like the thought of going to an ice cream place & 1 kids sitting without so I would buy the 3 that behaved ice creams from the store or give them ice cream at home & still let the child who misbehaved go without. Always follow through on punishment otherwise they will never do as asked and always think you will let them off anyways. No matter how harsh you feel

Answer

Depends on age, but probably no ice cream for the one. My mom always gave us $0.50 if we behaved, so we could buy something in the checkout line (or save it if we wanted). I feel like something like that that’s better geared towards each individual might work better in the future. I hate the idea of one kid sitting without ice cream waiting on the rest, but you have to follow through with the consequences you set up 🤷🏻‍♀️

Answer

I mean what I say and I say what I mean. So if one kiddo acted up badly enough to not get ice cream they would sit there and watch everyone else eat their ice cream. Empty rewards and empty threats won’t earn respect.

Answer

I voted for all to be punished, but now I'm rethinking. As a kid, I hated going to bed early because my brothers were fighting and I thought it was so unfair. But as an adult, I see my one nephew always being punished and he's immune to it. I asked him if it bothers him that he gets yelled at and he said no, I'm always the one who gets in trouble, so I expect it. I would worry that if it's the same child always being punished that it would have longer term effects on their self esteem. Maybe, hybrid of, they can't get ice cream, but everyone else gets sprinkles and they don't. Or you change the reward completely where the other kids get a choice, but the misbehaved child doesn't. I like what someone else posted about giving the children money they can save or spend.

Answer

Offer the child that didn’t behave a different snack.

What would you do?

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