Guys I really need help, honest opinions, and advice. I've been putting this decision off and stressing over it the whole pregnancy and I obviously cannot run from it anymore. I'm 36 weeks and 4 days with my second son from my ex. Back in the beginning of this pregnancy I finally left my ex bc he was extremely disrespectful to me, manipulative, I done everything for our first son other than pay for things (sahm), I fell out of love way before even having my first son, and he constantly lied and cheated, called me names etc. I finally left when my bestfriend told me he flirted with her and she played along (I told her to) and they sexted.. But none of that is really the point, just kind of a backstory i guess. Anyway, i got back together with my ex GIRLFRIEND. she wasn't exactly an ex, we had just talked 3 years ago and really liked each other but was bad timing. Well now I'm due to have this baby boy soon and idk what to do. The stress of the delivery room is seriously killing me.

I'm stuck between if I should allow him in the room or if I should just do it alone or allow just my mom in. I know it is his child and he watched our first be born and he should be there to watch his second son. I understand that. I do. I do not want to keep him away or not allow him to be a father. But also, he won't even be holding our baby or anything for like 2 hours after bc I'll be breastfeeding and doing skin to skin like with our first. I personally do not want him in the room at all, I don't want him seeing me in that position again when he and I are not together and he has made things with our 2 year old absolute hell on me. (We went to court and he gets him every single weekend, I have only asked to have one weekend for my shower and hes constantly having days off work and asking to get him on my days and I let him take him out of state 2 times on my days) and he threatened to not let me have him for my shower if I wouldnt agree to let him have him my days. So anyway, I feel like he doesn't deserve to be in the room with me other than it's his child.

So if I do allow him in the room, my girlfriend will be extremely upset and I literally cannot take the stress of that. She thinks we will "bond" and stuff over the birth. I've told her 100x that wouldnt happen and we didnt even bond over our first childs birth. She doesn't have trust for me with this bc over the summer I planned on leaving him for cheating and started to talk to her and ended up staying with him bc he manipulated the shit out of me and I was confused and scared. So I understand her not trusting me. I do not want him in the room for reasons, but I would allow him and suck it up. If I let him in there, I'll be uncomfortable and stressed even more than I already would be, bc he is in there and stuff. Like it gives me anxiety. Not only will I be stressed over him being in there, but I'll be EXTREMELY stressed about my girlfriend being pissed off at me, not talking to me, checking on us, maybe even breaking up with me, basically ruining the second best day of my life. (First son being the first obvi) idk. I just know I'll be pushing and all I'll think about is all this stress and then how she is so pissed and stuff. I told her even if I let him in, he wouldn't be alone. I'd have my mom there too and the dr and nurses. I told her if I allow him, I'll set rules down and he won't be touching me at all, not even to hold my damn leg if a nurse tells him too. She's basically the biggest reason I'm debating on allowing him in the room bc I know how much stress it's going to put me under. I know it's all immature and I know she should trust me and its not her place. But she is a huge part of my life and I love her so much and I want to think of her feelings too. I really just dont want this day to be so stressful and all drama. I did say that if I don't let him in, that he and my mom and son together would be the very first ones to come in and meet the baby before anyone else.

Also, I will feel extremely guilty for my ex if I dont let him in the room.

UPDATE 1- yes they allow two people in the room. I joked with my gf and said she can be in and she is absolutely against that and I am too tbh. But yeah they do, so if I allow him in there.. itll be him and my mom. Which btw I dont want either in there. I'd rather do it alone.

UPDATE 2- he also is the one who posts shit on fb making me look like the absolute worse to everyone. So I'm also worried about how shitty and selfish I'll be and look.

Also, I don't want my son the resent me. And I dont want to regret either decision. I think it's unfair I'm even being put in this situation lol.

Hi girls❤️