Dealing with family in law? Just need some help

Question

Hi Mums and Dads
I need a bit of help, I have a 2 month old baby and since being pregnant amd having her i dont want to go and meet any of my partners family or see them, i dont like his mum shes so in my face since being pregnant (i didnt have a problem with her b4 i fell pregnant but things changed once i was pregnant)
My partner wants to go and see his family in NSW (we live live in ACT) he wants to stay a night and i just dont want to.
I am very protective of my daughter i dont like people holding her unless its my partner, my mum or dad or sister.
Shes my first bub i just need some help and suggestions on what to do or how to deal with this...
Surley im not the only one like this?

Answer

It's not just your baby. It's his too and his family has every right to see her. I understand you're protective big it's not fair to your husband or your child to deprive them of family simply because you're uncomfortable.

Answer

Get over it. Pretty simple. You have no right to feel the way you do so put on your big girl panties and suck it up.

Answer

If you’re okay with your mom and dad seeing your baby and holding her it’s not right for you to be this way with his parents unless they’re an outright danger to your daughters safety. There’s a difference with being protective and  being outright rude and unfair. Those are his parents and it’s his kid. He has every right to let them hold her, visit her, and let them see her. You don’t have to spend the night there but you should let them see her.

Answer

Like other poster said it’s your husband baby to. I’m sure if he said to you I don’t want your mum seeing the baby or holding her to you would be very annoyed. It’s normal for not wanting everyone touching baby and holding them I was the same, but not with family members they love your baby to its only fair they get to see baby.

Answer

Read what you just posted imagining that your husband wrote that about your family.
How would that make you feel?
The baby is 50% yours 50% his, he has rights too.
Maybe you should see a therapist.

Answer

I am the same way. I tried going to their house often thinking that it’s their grandchild and they’ll want to hold her and play with her. But I’m never letting them hold her again cuz they don’t know how to handle a child and they are gonna make my daughter sick

Answer

Wow! Some nasty comments on here. Don’t worry, these are normal feelings, especially if your in laws have been unkind or judge-mental in any way. The strategy here is boundary setting (some good articles online about this). 2 months is still very young, why should you travel with your baby to visit ppl if you’re not ready? Also, shouldn’t they be coming to visit you seeing as you’re the one with the new baby? Maybe arrange a visit on your own terms. Don’t worry about what others think, just trust your instincts.

Answer

My daughter is almost 3 & I still feel this way whenever my in laws are holding my daughter. What hurts the most is when they call her their baby... obviously I know she’s mine, but just like you, my emotions get the best of me. Sometimes we can’t help the way we feel.

Answer

It’s hard when it comes to family me and my partners family have a very rocky relationship. My partner will even sit there and say what they do isn’t right but it’s still his family and he just can’t cut them off and I wouldn’t expect them to unless they do something super fucked up. You have to be willing to meet him half way maybe go and stay overnight but stay a hotel and let him know before hand what you comfortable with and not such as if you would like to breastfeed away from prying eyes. That way he can settle the expectations of his family before you even get there.

Answer

Is there any specific reason that you don't trust them?  Try to think about the positive aspects of your visit.  They know how to care for a baby, they will respect your wishes, they will be a help and give you a nice break, plus you'll be right there to help if she needs you.

Dealing with family in law? Just need some help

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