Me and my abuser dated for two years, from October 2014- October 2016.

From 2 months into dating, until I finally left it was pure hell for me.

No one knows even part of what I've gone through and from all the trauma, I have a mental block on some things.

I was sexually abused, forced to have sex with him, guilted into having sex with him every time I saw him.

He broke up with me daily, just to take it back because he didn't mean it and it was my fault that I made him do it.

I wasn't allowed to spend time with my friends and family, and when I went against him he would cuss me out and call me every name in the book from being a whore to a cunt. My friends and family also got called these names.

He would shove me and punch things next to my body.

He tried to force me to walk home multiple times from different places when I would make him mad.

He was furious when I got a car before him even though he is three years older than me.

I wasn't allowed to go to sleep until he did, which could be all the way up until 4 AM sometimes.

He stalked me, and always knew my location because he made me text him every time I left somewhere and arrived somewhere and who I was with and who was near me, cause if I didn't tell him everything he would know imediately.

He would show up places I was at just to cause a scene. He didn't care who was around.

He wouldn't let me go to my own family events and birthday celebration if he didn't want to go, which was never.

I was always apologizing to him for everything every day. Stuff that was never my fault but he made to be my fault. Everything was my fault in his eyes.

He made me a very mean and hateful person.

He was an athiest and always talked bad about about god, and Christianity, and church and wouldn't allow me to go to church which really skewed me from my faith.

I got threatened daily.

He made me cry every day and night.

I became severely depressed and anxious and gained a lot of weight. I have major anxiety and im always on edge now and major paranoia.

He would take all of my money from me and "promise" to pay me back and of course never did. He took all of my tax and school money which was hundreds of dollars.

He made me feel insecure and made sure to make me feel bad about myself everyday.

I was scared of him daily and I was scared I was never going to get out of the relationship. I felt like I was going to be one of those people who was trapped forever. He always made future plans with me and all I could do was imagine myself dead.

Everyday I was with him I just wanted to die, I begged God to take my life from because I couldn't bear it. I didn't want to live this way.

When I finally broke up with him, I was terrified. I had blocked him and every friend, and family member on all social media I could think of beforehand, and then I sent him a text saying I was sorry. (I mean really?) I was sorry for leaving and he could move on.

He dropped my stuff off in my driveway the next day while I was home and left a note. I didn't even read it, I threw everything in the garbage.

He stalked me for over a year after wards. For all I know he still does.

Driving by my house, being outside of my work. He is very terrible about being unnoticeable.

He even would tell people he knew where I worked and other information he shouldn't know, when I got new job. Etc.

From time to time people tell me stuff he puts on social media for some stupid reason and it's always stuff he puts about being such a good person, and a big hearted person, and so loving and he treats everyone so good. It pisses me off. He has brainwashed so many people around him to believe his lies, about him, me and, us and his life.

I couldn't even begin to start on all of the lies he told, that I know about.

I've had major anxiety for the last year over this due to the fact that he got a job right behind where I work at and it just terrifies me to know how close he is to me because it brings up all of the terrible things that happened.

I've been in a relationship with my now boyfriend for almost two years now and he's so loving and kind and perfect, I'm scared for the day we get engaged, married, etc because I know he'll find out and I'm scared about what he'll do. It sounds so ridiculous and stupid. And I know I'm being ridiculous and stupid.

Where is all of this going???? I'm not quite sure.

I just needed to vent. Not even my boyfriend knows all of this information but he's very understanding and supportive.

To anyone who's gotten this far, thanks for reading. I'm sorry for the vent episode I just had.