Sad but not giving up...
A lot of you may think I’m crazy to be sad as I’m only on my 3rd cycle TTC. I recently realized (through ovulation testing and Proove tests) that I have a short luteal phase and low progesterone. Knowing this caused me to have so many doubts and “confirming” my feeling that I would never have biological children.
I know, I know what you’re thinking. That feeling is ridiculous coming from someone who’s been TTC for just 3 months and that this is an easier fix compared to most. BUT, I can’t help it. I don’t think anyone who is TTC can help but think these thoughts when it doesn’t happen on the first couple of tries.
I’m also only 28. It should be easy, right, so everyone says. SMH! I was so naive to think so in the beginning “oh it’ll happen on the first try, I’m obviously super fertile”. WHAT?! Anyway... Why do I feel like I missed something in health class??? As I stand here at work, feeling what I’m sure is my period about to start, thinking about what I need to do now. Reading article upon article. Thinking every thought imaginable. Every article says a big factor is stress but what’s life without it? I don’t even know anymore?
I live in California. My job only sucks a lot. Now this. I forgot a long time ago what it’s like to feel no stress... but as I stand here in my horrible job, I didn’t think was causing me this much stress (which I’ve tried leaving trust me, it’s a dog eat world out here in Cali) thinking “I’m not letting this job take another thing from me”. Especially this.
I’m not giving up. I’m not. For one, it’s to early for me to. Two, for the baby I want to hold in my arms one day. And three, for myself.
I’m not giving up.
And neither should you!