It took us 2 years to conceive this baby girl that’s called my body home for the last 9 months. Thousands of dollars and millions of tears while we waited for a sticky baby. At first, everyday brought anxiety. That it was too good to be true. I was sure that at every appointment with my midwife she would tell me we were wrong and that there was no baby. It wasn’t until I felt her kicks and constant movement that my anxiety eased. When she started kicking we would play. I would tap on my belly and she would kick back in the same spot. I was obsessed with having a bump. Everyday I’d ask my husband “do I look pregnant”. Pregnancy has been exactly what I expected. The unexpected. It wasn’t until the third trimester hit when I started feeling like... okay this is hard. Now I’m at 38 weeks and officially started maternity leave. I’m in pain everyday. My hips and pelvic bone ache with fire. Never ending Braxton Hicks. I started to complain as much as anyone would listen. But now it’s sinking in that I may never be able to get pregnant again and I’ll never be pregnant with my girl again. I’ll never feel her roll over inside me again.. she’ll never lay on or punch my hip bones again. I’ll never feel her little hiccups inside of my body again.

I want to remember all of these feelings for the rest of my life. I want to embrace every single thing I’m feeling and will feel over the next couple of weeks instead of just being ready for it to be over. As much as we are ready to meet our girl, I think I’ll be okay.. I’ll try to be okay with her coming on her own terms when she is ready.