For my parents. I asked them to take my older 3 children this weekend so that I have some time to rest before I have my baby Wednesday, yes I totally understand I did this to myself and I need to figure it out. But lately all my anxieties have been full force where it has risen my blood pressure to levels my doctor advised me to get a hold of them becuz its just not safe for baby. So I get angry for an hour and cry it out, and realize that I will always be the black sheep of my family even tho, I was never charged or convicted on murdering a baby (their second child was), I was never charged or convicted of shaking my children (their first child was), I had a shitty life without my parents there for me. Their sons, however, had their support every way they could. I was thrown into the foster care system, attempted to end my life many many many times and always failed to do so becuz staff members would be saving my life.

I've had it hard, I got pregnant young, thought that if I had a baby it would love me back and my life would change. Well it didnt, it just resulted to them knowing how I was and them taking my babies. First 4 to be honest, the forth child I faught and changed my life becuz he saved mine. It took me 17 months to have him returned and now I have added 2 more children after him whom were never taken from me and pregnant with our last member and hes coming VERY soon.

I have been battling alot of things this past 2 weeks and I just wanted to have less then 48 hours to try and get myself leveled and prepare for this brutal delivery that i am going to go through.

Seeings how they cant be there for my children, why should she witness this last member coming into my family? Her meaning and my meaning are 2 different things. I am always there for my children, I make things equal in our family. They know they always have my support every step of the way regardless if sometimes they make me upset.

Sorry had to vent some shit out.