I am 38 weeks pregnant... just so you know. In my previous relationship I went through some really bad physical and mental abuse. I was told I was never going to be able to have kids because of my endometriosis and my significant other then basically made me feel worthless for it. His family were all doctors or in the medical field and referred me to different people, and I kept getting answers that were leading to no kids. I finally got pregnant and had a miscarriage and my significant other at the time beat me to a pulp one night when he returned from work because he said I was worthless because couldn’t have kids and just always made me feel like everything I did was wrong. I couldn’t talk to his guy friends, I couldn’t wear certain clothing, I couldn’t have social media anymore, and etc. My dad died at the time, so I felt even more lost, and I think I put up with it so long because I felt so alone. I just wanted to be loved. I was convinced I was lucky to be with him because he came from a good family, had a great career, graduated from an Ivy League, you know just seemed like a perfect guy. My friends would always say how lucky I was and how perfect we were, but nobody knew what happened behind closed doors or when he drank. I was so stressed in that relationship, that I developed an eating disorder. I was so skinny and frail, I didn’t even get a period anymore because of all of this. I finally left that relationship, and years later.. I got healthy again mentally and physically. It was so tough and it still impacts me today... I started dating a guy, and I opened up to him, we were friends for a long time. We didn’t workout, part of the reason we didn’t was because he really wanted kids, and I felt like I was never going to be enough because I didn’t think I could have them. So I expressed that to him and he said I was enough, but I didn’t want to hold him back so I said it was better off if we didn’t date anymore.When I was getting ready to leave out of state to start a new career, I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t think it could be true! I was so excited and scared and stressed. The guy and I weren’t together, but when I told him...He was excited and we slowly started to work on things again, and still are. He wanted a family he told me, and the reason we broke up was because I thought we couldn’t have kids, and I would always feel bad about myself not being able to give him what he wanted..... he said I was projecting emotions from my past relationship on to him and etc. I Agreed, we went to therapy, and everything has been good. I just can’t help but think in the back of my head I’m not good enough or I’m always on edge. Getting stretch marks and not being skinny messes with me because of my past relationship. I always still think that he will leave me if something happens to our baby. I FINALLY said something today in the vehicle because he asked me what was wrong. I said I know you hate when I do this but I can’t help but feel self conscious and worried. He asked why? I said sometimes I feel like if something were to happen to our baby, you would leave me. HE SAID.... “ well honestly I’m so attached now to the thought of having a baby if something were to happen it would be hard to stay with you. Worst case scenario we would be friends” I AM HEARTBROKEN. How am I suppose to feel comfortable delivering in less then two weeks with someone who doesn’t want me if I can’t have kids after everything I have been through!!! He doesn’t get why I’m upset, he said he didn’t totally say that, but he basically said it all with those two sentences. Am I crazy??? So basically if my baby died. He isn’t apart of my life either?? After how hard this pregnancy has been? Am I wrong for being hurt?? Not to mention I have had a placenta abruption and galbladderissues and really scary stuff happen. I have done everything I can to have this baby. I have never felt so used or worthless.