After my miscarriage at 13 weeks in October of 2017, I was devastated. After a chemical pregnancy in July of 2018, I was heartbroken. After almost two years of trying, I was hopeless. Every month was a guessing game with my cycle, sometimes being as long as 7 weeks. I felt betrayed by my own body.

Month after month we prayed, we tried every position, we prayed again, I tested religiously, and we waited. Nothing. Our beautiful angel baby would have turned a year old, April 20th, 2019. I started my period that day. I had had enough, and I decided to honestly and full heartedly let it go. We had a wonderful week long vacation in the middle of my cycle, and for the first time in nearly two years, I can honestly say that I had no worries-no counting of the days, no testing, no analyzing every twang or ‘symptom’-I just RELAXED...

This past week, I had noticeable symptoms, and my period was supposed to start. I felt pregnant, but how often do we just beg ourselves to ‘feel’ that hope? I’ve been fooled before, but this time, I didn’t even think about it. I LET IT GO. Today, May 31st, with being a week late, I decided to test. I put the test down, with my stop watch ready, ready for that stand-still 5 minutes that I’ve pushed through for 17 months. I prepared myself for the disappointment....

Not even two seconds pass, and a dark blue line, clear as daylight, came immediately blazing through.... PREGNANT.

I don’t even know what to do with myself. I’m in shock, knowing the struggles and nerves that will follow for the next three weeks until I get to hear that beautiful heartbeat. Writing this out, the feeling is beginning to sink in...

This is how I told husband this morning. We’ve waited for so long, but our time is finely now. On my precious angel baby’s birthday, April 20th, God has blessed us my most fervent desire, and my baby in heaven has gifted me the most beautiful gift.

I’ll see you in January, my miracle baby. 🌈