I found out I miscarried when I was 8-9 weeks along.

My miscarriage was the worst thing I've ever gone through.

To begin, our doctors informed us of this and shipped us off, told us to have a good day. We had so many questions as when we went to our scheduled appointment we were so excited and a miscarriage is the last thing we thought could/would happen. We were sent home to wait it out as I wasn't bleeding or feeling any pain.

It was about a month and a half before I actually started bleeding. With that, a day later, came what I would think was contractions? It was so so painful. The pain just kept building up and up and my body would freeze and I would stop breathing and it hurt so bad. I could not stop crying. I didn't know what to expect I didn't know what to do, the doctors would not help me, they just told me I need to let my body run its course.

There were a lot of things that came out of me. But the most shocking was the baby itself. It made it real. It had eyes, it had hands & fingers.

I might be jumping around, but, I just want to say this because I always wonder.. one night I had gotten home from work and I was cramping and I decided to just go to sleep because I was tired. The cramping was very uncomfortable but I thought nothing of it, I had a lot of junk food that day so I thought it was just disagreeing with me. I often wonder if that was the night it happened, I don't know, do you feel it happen?

This was the first time I've ever been pregnant.

When I think about this happening, I feel embarrassed. I feel like, a failure.

I know that I shouldn't feel this way.

Anyways, it has been a couple months since the miscarriage and I've been having dreams of it. Dreams of having my baby or being with my baby and me coming to it and it's dead or just disappeared. I don't know why & it's really starting to bother me.

I've been very strong about this situation, it hasn't stopped me, I'm still happy-go-lucky in my every day Life, but I wonder all the time.

I am going to share a picture that I took of the fetus...

It hurts me to look at, it's sad, but it's wonderful, it's a baby.

Thank you,