Georgia Bill HB481

Hey everyone. So ive seen a few posts recently of others sharing their stories or misgivings, looking for advice or just confirmation of their validity. And all the responses have been so uplifting and great, that I thought maybe i could share mine too. I feel so scared and alone and maybe even a little crazy *wince*.

SO i am a Georgia girl. Born and raised. (Though as a child we did move around to other states a few times because my dad was in the navy.)

Ive lived in Georgia since i was in high school, graduated in Georgia, went to college in Georgia, own property in Georgia. I work and live in atlanta and pay Georgia taxes.

Georgia has always been Home.

Ive seen the good and bad here; open hostile racism, homophobia, white supremacy, ect. I

’ve also seen the good; when Snowpocolypse hit, i watched (trapped in my own car) as strangers walked up and down frozen roads checking on others, bringing food and water, by foot, to those trapped by the ice. Ive seem white supremacy denounced and ive seen the beauty of PRIDE.

My point is, I know my state has/is seriously screwed up, but ive seen the progress and I believe in the inherent good of humanity. Until recently.

Maybe im just naive or just blinded by the little bubble of my own life but I was completely blindsided by the abortion ban. I was shocked to have my reproductive rights so blatantly attacked and my personhood so completely disregarded.

You see, i grew up in a family, that out of 4 of us kids, all but my younger brother were “accidents”. My mom was always very open about how my older sister was an accident (she became pregnant at 16). I was less of a mistake since my parents were married but still not planned, my younger sister was about the same. But once my dad had three girls he decided they should “try” for a boy.

I grew up being openly and subtly warned of the life changing affects pregnancy has on a woman’s life. I watched my mom toil away in a marriage she didnt really want to be in. She was way to young when she enter into it, and never had the chance to stand on her own before becoming responsible for us. Sometimes i have wished she had aborted us, and learned how to be the person she wanted to be instead of wasting her life being the martyr for our sakes.

I held my younger siblings together when she finally couldnt take it anymore and walked out while we were at school. I stepped up to help my dad, as best i could at 15, raise my younger siblings. I know what unplanned/unwanted pregnancy does to a family, first hand. I spent the last 15 years off my life healing and wrapping my head around it all.

I am not religious (wouldn’t touch the stuff) but I always believed that I was just as important in the eyes of the law as any other person in my state and that was good enough. I was taught all the “right things” to avoid pregnancy before i was ready in high school sex ed class. I did all the things a girl is “supposed” to do.

I took hormonal birth control my whole sexually active life. I only had sex with boys that i was in relationships with, i was never promiscuous (not that i believe its wrong to be), I insisted on STD testing, and condoms, i avoided the dark allies, never excepted drinks from strangers and traveled in packs for safety.

I was careful but i was also LUCKY.

This past April, I married my partner of 9 years. We talked and decided that we are finally at a stage in our lives that we would welcome a pregnancy. So i had my IUD removed and we relished in the thrill of having CHOSEN to step forward, together into parenthood.

Then Mar 29th the state senate passed HB 481.

May 7th Brian Kemp signed it into GA law, effective January 2020.

As soon as i heard about it, i spent days trying to find the ACTUAL copy, and finally found a digital reference to the bill that i was able to read. And i was shocked. I like most, have watched my fair share of crime reality tv shows, but i am NO legal scholar. I make chocolate for a living! BUT after reading the actual bill I felt like i was in this state of utter disbelief. I read it, then reread it. Then cried because surely i was misunderstanding it. Then researched, and reread it again to be sure. This bill gave the state the ability to PROSECUTE WOMEN FOR NOT KEEPING AN UNWANTED pregnancy! The ability to jail us if we seek an abortion out of state. The ability to jail us for a miscarriage! This cant be MY HOME!

But it was. It is.

And now? I dont know.

I don’t feel like my choice to be a mom, is mine anymore. I don’t feel safe moving forward with a pregnancy without the knowledge that I could, if i had to, make the hard decision to terminate if something goes terribly wrong. I feel like my home has turned its back on me and my sisters. I could be charged with second degree murder, if my own actions caused a miscarriage. Something that i would already be devastated to have done to my own body, could put me in jail. But not my husband. If i had to choose termination, he wouldnt be prosecuted. The body I exist in, isnt even my own anymore, in the eyes of the state, im little more then an incubator.

Motherhood isnt my Choice to make now, its the expectation imposed on me. The archaic biological expectation that ive spent my lifetime reconciling, turning into my own has been stolen from me. This Choice, that I’ve spent a lifetime building up to, has been made the Decision of the State and I... feel abandoned.

I made signs and Marched, i volunteered and vote. But all of that just feels empty now, because they stole my rights anyways.

The Marches FELT AMAZING!

But after i reflected on the most recent one, ive realized that the roads blocked off were in a section of town that few people live and few people are there, when there isnt a sports event. We didn’t disrupt anything, and it really just feels like the powers that be gave us a safe spot to “throw our little tantrum” out of sight.

Im so full of rage and hurt. I dont really know what to do.

Or what i can do. WHAT CAN I EVEN DO?

Is anyone else out there feeling like I do?

Sorry for the novel. I just really needed to be heard 😕

Posting anonymously, because it’s dangerous to be too open about these things in Ga.