Announcement anxiety? No public announcement?


Anyone on the fence about even doing a public announcement? After three losses and no babies to date I’m too scared to even tell anyone about this baby. I want to enjoy it and do all the things the first time parents do such as cute pregnancy announcements on social media but idk if i can bring myself to do it....Even after the first trimester. Has anyone else waited a long time to announce/never publicly announced? Just curious if I’m being irrational or not.

If i get asked if I’m pregnant most of the time i say no because i know when i say yes everyone’s gonna be so excited and i just haven’t brought myself to be excited yet. When my fiancé and i talk about the baby it seems more like a hypothetical situation instead of an it’s actually happening thing. Such as “when we have a baby” instead of “when this baby gets here in January.”

I feel awful being so negative bc my fiancé is being positive about it and he’s upset that I’m being this way. He keeps saying that this one doesn’t have to turn out like the last three.

I am 8+1 today. We saw a heartbeat of 154 last week at 7+3 which is great BUT i also saw a heartbeat with all three other babies so that doesn’t reassure me in the least lol. I go back in two days for a viability scan bc i told my doctor i would be a basket case if i had to wait til the next u/s at 12 weeks. I had a MMC at 11 weeks (baby stopped growing 8+5.)

Sorry I’m ranting. I’m just having a really rough time. Idk if i will be able to have a happy pregnancy ever tbh. Working in surgery and seeing all the miscarriages and stillbirths come through those doors just exacerbate everything. Bleh.... just wanted to get this off my chest.