Confused

Hey guys I need advice, so I’m going through a really rough patch right now involving the father of my son, We ended in really bad terms. He cheated and got someone else pregnant while My son who was a preemie was still in the hospital. He didn’t want to leave me alone so I put a restraining order which is still active at this point. But idk what to do he texted me days ago saying he misses me. Part of me still loves him but can’t forgive him for everything he put me through. Im thinking about a second chance but we to go through counseling first. He says he change and i don’t know I’m just so confused. I know we at least have to be in good terms because he is my sons father but I feel like I’d want to kill him if I see him again there’s just so much anger and resentment still, so many questions idk what should I do?