heartbroken isn’t even the word😔

hey everyone. i’m not sure how i talk about this cuz i’m only 15?!?! ummm... so i got pregnant in march this year, when i found out i was super excited, yes ik my age is so young and i’m only 15. but age doesn’t define how good of a mother you can be to your baby. anyway, like i said , i was super excited, i told my mum as soon as i saw a positive result and then we spoke to my family. everyone told me they would support me throughout the whole of my pregnancy. so i was happy. i was looking forward to buying baby clothes n seeing my little baby on the scan. (when i found out i was 3 weeks and 4 days) fast forward to now, june 4th. i had my scan booked for yesterday. (i’m 13 weeks and 1 day pregnant) i got to the hospital, checked myself in, n waited to be called.. i was so excited. because finally after waiting so long i was going to get to see my beautiful little jelly bean 🥰 i got called after 10 minutes of waiting, went in and laid down she done all the usual (pulling my leggings down or whatever you have on) and she started asking me , “when was the last time you took a positive pregnancy test” .. n i said to her .. “ i took my last one months ago” she then asked me “have you still been feeling sick” i replied back “on and off” she scanned a little bit more n then turned to me. i knew straight away something wasn’t right . she told me “it’s not good news today... your baby has died at 8 weeks and a few days. there’s no heartbeat, i’m sorry” and i broke down. laid there on the bed in hysterics. i got taken to a something called a quiet room. where they give you an hour to come to terms with the loss. i sat there the whole time, staring at my baby on the scan picture in tears. my boyfriend was crying . my mum was crying . a nurse of some sort came into the room and explained my options. i can either wait until it comes out naturally , have medication to take and stay in hospital for a long time until the bleeding has stopped .. or have a D&C 😔 i couldn’t bare the thought of seeing my baby come out naturally or using medication. so i chose the D&C. it’s booked for this Friday💔 i would much rather not have to see my baby come out horribly . that would traumatise me forever. so the D&C was the best option for me. they took my bloods . i signed all the consent forms and they were all so so supportive towards me😔 i went to sleep last night crying and hugging my baby vests i had bought him/her. i’m struggling so hard to come to terms with the fact i’ve lost my baby. 💔💔 i don’t know how i’m going to get thru this. i have depression. and anxiety. so this is just going to make my mental health plummet . i blame myself . i don’t know why , but i do! i keep thinking back to 8 weeks and try to remember if i’d have done anything wrong ?! like miss my folic acid, or didn’t eat enough? but there’s nothing i done wrong. i was doing everything right. but i still lost my bubba !!! fly high my beautiful little angel baby . mummy loves you so much 😔👼🏽❤️m