Ladies I need help... I thought I was doing okay but I have had the absolute worse week from hell!!!

First off, I'd like to say I have suffered with mental health in the past, I suffered in silence for years and didn't actually understand what was wrong with me until my partner made me go to my doctor but I haven't been in a place like this for a long, long time.

So I don't know exactly what triggered me this week but my head is just shattered into pieces. I've never been close with my mum and dad and tbh my mother hasn't bothered with me for a few years and my dad I recently decided for my own happiness it was best to tell him to stay away.

I've felt every thing this week, from wanting to literally kill someone to wanting to just burry myself in the sand. I feel completely lonely (when I'm not I have my partner of 8+ years) I feel hopeless like my life just isn't going any where, feel like everybody hates me my own partner included (which I actually told him the other day and he just stood, looking at me shocked to the core) I feel like my little girl deserve a better mother for her even though I do absolutely every thing in my power to keep her happy fed and healthy and safe like most mother's do, I havent had suicidal thoughts as I wouldn't dream of leaving my family behind, I feel completely numb today, I just I don't know I don't feel happy with myself anymore. I went and had my hair cut today to try and cheer myself up and we'll it didn't work, my hair is also falling out from stress which is another reason I had it cut. Is this postnatal depression or just depression? I'm a little concerned on going to the doctor's as I don't want them to think that I can't cope and I don't have support at home when that isn't the case but at the same time I can't keep letting myself feel this way and I've got to do some thing! 🤦 If you've read this far thank you, any advice would be appreciated, I'm just stuck and feel a little lost, I want the old me back.