I just kinda needed to vent .. rant .. I’m not even sure at this point.

I’m a hotel General Manager. I’ve been in the field for years and sure, I’m used to it at this point. I work and live in a different state than where my daughter is. I used to live with my parents, relocated for the job but she stayed behind to finish out the school year.

I get to see my daughter on weekends but I’m usually burned out because I work pretty much all day every day. In addition, I’m 6 weeks pregnant. I am also super sensitive to energy, and my dad is such a draining person. He’s super negative and always has something mean and hurtful to say. So, I just don’t care to be around him. Being around him just automatically brings me down and I hate going to my parents house but I do only because of my daughter.

My sister, who still lives with them, just had a baby and we haven’t spoken since February. She decided to invite an ex friend of mine, who we had a previous falling out about, to her baby shower where she wanted me to be the photographer. I cursed her out and left the shower. My sister has never respected or treated me as a sister and I’m at a point where I feel I just no longer care. She’s a draining energy as well.

I have absolutely no help from my daughters fathers family as they live 900+ miles away in another state. He passed away last year. We weren’t together but it still weighs heavy on my heart.

My parents seem to just write me off. When I had my daughter, I wasn’t helped much at all for the first two years. After that when I was able to get a job and put her in daycare, my parents started helping me as far as watching her and stuff but that’s about it. With my sister, she gets to hand her baby off and go to sleep, go out, do whatever she wants. Must be nice.

When it comes to work, my employees love to call out or just not show up and I’m forced to cover their shifts. They call me non stop asking me to fix simple problems that never required me in the first place. My stress level is to the point where I just start laughing because I don’t know what else to do. This company is expecting me to make $15 out of 1¢. I live on property and they just doubled my rent. I don’t get paid enough for the bullshit I deal with. Then when I got pregnant, I found out that I don’t even get partial paid maternity leave. I have to use my vacation time — which after calculating it, when the baby is here, it’ll only be about a week and a half.

My boyfriend was fired from his job and is attempting to become a police officer or corrections officer, whatever, but I don’t feel he’s trying hard enough. He sleeps all day, says all he can do is wait for someone to call him back. Doesn’t help clean around the house or anything. He walks my dog so I guess that’s something.

I don’t have friends. I don’t have anyone to go to. No one who understands. I’m at wits ends. I’ve been managing bipolar disorder since I was 14 (soon to be 26) and I’ve been in and out of hospitals being treated for it. I feel I’m experiencing the depressive side of it right now.

I don’t know what I need. An ear to listen. Some tough love. I seriously don’t know. I feel like it’s me against the world and I’m losing.