18 year old stepdaughter isn’t coming back

This will be a little long so please bare with me.

I met my stepdaughter when she was 14 years old. Let’s call her Kate.

Kate is very close to her father. Very overprotective and jealous. Through the years I have always understood and never stepped between them. My husband and her are literally best friends. From all my husbands kids, she has her dads back 100% even if he’s wrong. That’s how strong their bond is. And vice versa for my husband. He adores his daughter, does everything for her. Even when she’s wrong, he tries to understand that she’s a teenager.

But Kate has a problem with her attitude. Very ugly attitude. She’s disrespectful to everyone EXCEPT HER FATHER. She’s rude and will say how she feels about you, doesn’t care who you are. Her and I have always been cordial, but never close. As much as I tried, she’s never budged in. As she grew older I just left it alone but i never changed how I treated her. I would invest in her, I would ask for advice anywhere and everywhere to help me get closer to my stepdaughter just to get rejected by her every single time. And even then I was ok with it because in my mind I thought, this was normal. My husband and I would always talk and say “she’ll get better as she gets older” Well, it only got worse. She would take my stuff, she always has. I would confront her and she would deny it. TOTALLY NORMAL. I was never mad and I would even let her keep the stuff she took, I would always try and show her that if she simply asked I would allow her to get my stuff. She wouldn’t even look at me while I spoke to her, she would keep doing what she was doing. This told me, she didn’t give a shit what I had to say about her taking my stuff. UNTIL, I finally had enough and I confronted her the very last time when she took my NEW perfume and brand new makeup from NARS that I hadn’t even used. When I told her I knew she had it, she said “so why didn’t you take it, why are you telling me?” I told her I wanted her to be honest and she said:

You know I’ll never be honest with you, you know that I don’t like you and if I don’t like dads wife I will take her stuff.

She kept saying disrespectful stuff. When I told her she wouldn’t talk like that if her father was here, she said her dad wouldn’t do anything because he has power over me. After this I was done with her.

She treats my 2 year old, her sister, like shit. Only when she’s in a good mood does she want to be around her. She hates watching her for even 5 minutes. She doesn’t allow her in her room. If she takes anything she’ll snatch her away from her and yells at her if my daughter is simply yelling out of excitement over something. Her other sister (different mom, same dad) we’ll call her lily, she comes over during the weekend only. She absolutely adores my daughter. But while Kate was here, she became very distant with my 2 year old when our little one wanted to go in their room, I could see lily felt bad not letting her in her room even though she wanted. Kate was the boss. She would tell lily not to allow our LO in there. Lily would have to come out in the living room if LO wanted to hang out for a little. Kate would tell her sister I was fake and that she wanted karina (husbands ex wife) back. Karina and my husband where only together for 8 months, got married only after a month I believe. Karina was rich, so she would often take my husbands kids shopping, and buy expensive presents for them. Kate fell in love with her, plus she was African American. Kate doesn’t like Hispanics although she’s half Hispanic herself. For some reason Kate likes African Americans and wants to be one really bad, she is half black as well. So I don’t blame her for that, I thought it was kind of cute until she seemed to hate Hispanics. But her mom is full HISPANIC. So I don’t know what her deal is with that. But don’t get me wrong, Kate and I have had good times. I do love her and feel bad but her attitude needs to change.

Kate is always in a bad mood no matter what. We thought at first it was her period but it’s constantly an attitude with her. If Kate is in a good mood, the whole family is in a good mood. If Kate is in a bad mood, the whole family is a bad mood. Her vibe just rubs off on us. It’s like she has so much power. Although her father and her are close my husband cannot take her disrespectfulness towards others anymore. Especially towards her siblings. She started to talk back to her dad not too long ago and this led to so many arguments between with them both. Her attitude was now affecting her dad to the point where my husband told her to pack her stuff and go to her moms until she decides to change her attitude. By the way, when she’s mad she talks about how she wants to live with her mom and move in and never come back and how much she does not care about any of

Is. But when she’s not mad, she comes over here talking about her mom like she’s the worst person ever. She has her own room at our house, and she sleeps in the living room, on the floor at her moms. Her mother never really likes to be involved in any events she has. Her father ALWAYS very involved in kates life. Goes to every back to school, conferences, meets her friends parents to make sure Kate is okay. Even then, she comes and treats us like shit.

Anyway, Kate has not been here for about a month now. Mind you, her mother has told her to pack her shit to come here at least twice. She’d go back in two weeks and everything was fine. But now my husband did it for the first time and she’s so mad she told my husband she’s never coming back after her dad explained that he didn’t kick her out because that’s what she’s claiming. He simply wants her to change her attitude and she can always come back if she has a change of heart. She hasn’t called at all. And the one time I saw her was when I decided to pick her up to go get her nails done with her younger sister and myself. The entire time she wanted me to make sure I knew she never wanted to come in the first place and that she had came only because she thought her grandma would be with us. She was mean to her younger sister who was crying when she left because she missed her. Yet, she didn’t care. So the point of this story is, i feel bad for my husband for sticking up for us all because now there’s tension between them both. I don’t want her to hate him for having our backs. My husband has been really sad about the whole situation but he says he won’t give in because he knows the moment he does, it defeats the purpose. She’s always said her dad can go without talking to her. And she knows her dad will come begging her to talk to her when she’s mad. Did he do the right thing?

I posted this last night as well. But I wanted to get more answers.