Help me

Why do I have this irrational fear that I can never have a second child or get pregnant again because it means my first will die? I don’t know why I think this it’s this intrusive paranoid thought in my head and if I ever get pregnant again im not sure ill be able to go through with it because of this superstition. I know I have OCD revolving around my daughter dying and something bad happening to her or some natural disaster or apocalypse happening when I’m not with her. Is this just part of that?

I’ve TRIED therapy and I never have time or money to stick with it.

I want another child but I can’t get this thought out of my head that having another means I will lose my first. Even writing this down is scary because it feels like somehow writing it down means it will happen.

I know you guys can’t help I just thought maybe someone had reassuring words or experience with these kinds of thoughts and how to deal with them